This is what my cousin Kirsten put in my stocking.
I drove the speed limit the entire holiday. Pretty much. For the most part.
Author Archives: Jodi
Holiday tip
If anyone ever says to you, “Jodi, it’s easy to make your own bows! You just wind around like this, and you pinch like this, and then you wrap some wire around there, and then you tie it off and voila!” You should tell them to fuck off and point you in the direction of the ribbon that curls with scissors. And ask them not to call you “Jodi.”
50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 38
Man, I almost forgot it was Friday, my sense of timing is all out of whack, because I don’t have to go into work today. Ok, technically, it’s just a few minutes until Friday for me. I just got home from shopping about an hour ago. It was insane. I spent soooo much money. I have bags and bags and crap and I am not done yet. There will be 18 people at Christmas Eve dinner, aka: Stocking Madness. Which means 18 stockings to help stuff. [I think every event n my family should have the word “Madness” in it.]
Right now, I have to be honest, I’m thinking the theme should be blisters, because I have them on my feets, but since it’s the Friday before xmas, I’ll go with something a bit more holidayish. How about Holiday Headaches?
Candy Cane Headache
“Again! Again!” she cried, in perfect time with the aching throb in his head. “I want to play it again!”
He popped two excedrin in his mouth.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. We have to wrap this back up now. Santa was only loaning us Candyland.”
His wife was not amused.
Listen up, myspace users…
Those of you who hot link to images on my blog, and use my bandwidth for your crappy pages, I’ve had about enough of you. What you are doing is rude, and inconsiderate, and I’m going to start messing with stuff so you will learn your lesson. And it creeps me out how many times you guys use pictures of my kitties face in your stupid comments you leave on other crappy myspace pages.
I’m just saying… it’s not polite!! You don’t even ask!
Happy Solstice and Stupd Cookies
I’m annoyed. I’m trying to upload a song for an audio post that is perfect for today. TODAY. It has to be today. But dial up is slow. I’m also annoyed because I have to make cookies for a cookie swap tomorrow at work, and I do NOT enjoy cooking.
Anyway, for those of you who are saddened by the shorter days, who start to worry on June 21st about the days getting shorter, you can shut up now. It’s all uphill from here. They days are just going to get longer and longer. I am not one of you. I get happier when the days get shorter. I do well in the dark. Like a mushroom. But Evildeb is one of you. She likes hot, sunny climes. Like …. HELL! I’m more of a moonlight girl. Not to say winter is my favorite season. That would be fall, followed closely by spring. Summer can kiss my air conditioned ass, because at least in winter, I can pile on the comforters and sleep all snuggly.
Still waiting for that song to upload…..
Opps… turns out you are supposed to grease the pan first. Can you grease a pan with butter? Because that’s all I’ve got that’s greasy. I’ve got plenty of sticky stuff, but not a lot of greasy. Butter it is! Oh, and about the vanlla… bad news about that, I’m afraid. While I have consumed these cookies before, I’ve never actually made them. Seemed simple enough. Ha! This does not bode well. I’m going to end up buying cookies I just know it.
So here is your song. It’s called “The Christians and the Pagans” by Dar Williams. My favorite part has always been when Jane explains to the kid what it means to be a pagan vs a christian. “You find magic in your God, and we find magic everywhere.” While I am not a pagan, I am a unitarian, and that’s always the way I’ve looked at the world.
The Christians and the Pagans – Dar Williams
Happy Solstice everyone!
Abandon all high speed hopes
DSL is still down. They have to send out a guy to “check the lines.” Of course, I have to be home when he does this, so it’s going to be a couple of days. Sorry no jodicam, but as soon as DSL is back, you should get some lovely footage of me playing the sims because my University Expansion Pack for OS X arrived yesterday!! Whooo-hooo! Thea, now a sophomore, made the dean’s list. She’s majoring in psychology. She’s moved out of her dorm and into a house with three other girls. I’m sure there will be pillow fights.
To make up for the lack of jodicam, which, I assure you, is FASCINATING when it is live, I give you a picture of my new, possibly lucky, monkey socks.
I find them delightful. You can fully appreciate them here because they have pink non-slip polka dots on the bottom [which many of my friends will tell you is a much needed safety precaution I’ve been without] and they make my feet do a little dance.
That’s very amusing, because in France he would be executed for this.
Scene: a large conference room, several rows of chairs facing the front. Tessa and Jodi sit on the far right of one of these rows. Evildeb sits on the far left, one row up. A business credo, if you will, is displayed on the wall, “A good plan executed violently this week, is better than a great plan executed perfectly next week”
Tessa: I don’t know about the word “violently,” it scares me. I don’t like it.
Jodi: Deb does, I bet.
Jodi and Tessa look over at Evildeb on the other side of the room. She is nodding her head, with a grin on her face. Her hands are clinched in TINY FISTS OF DOOM.
Jodi: See? I told you she would.
Later that same day…
Evildeb: I like doing things VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: Like executing?
Evildeb: Yes! I like EXECUTING THINGS VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: I knew you’d like that.
Then and Now: Episode 17 A Grnch Christmas Triple Crwon
You know, nothing is every going to beat the original. It’s a classic. Let’s enjoy it now, shall we?
You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Thurl Ravenscroft
Ok, first of all, how cool is that name? Thurl Ravenscroft? I am so going to name my next male sim Thurl Ravenscroft. Now, if you are worried, I’ll set your mind at ease right now. There is no Jim Carrey version of this song in this episode of Then and Now. Oh hell, no. There are actually quit a few covers of this song, but I narrowed it down to two that I thought were fun. Or different. This next version is one I’ve been hearing on a local radio station for a few years now. I think it’s cool, hip and jazzy. Tell me what you think.
You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Deanna Kirk
The last one comes from my favorite new Christmas album this year, A Christmas Spanking, by the Asylum Street Spankers. You might remember them as the geniuses that brought us the monkey song that so delighted me oh those many months ago.
You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Asylum Street Spankers
All in all, it could have been worse, kids. I could have decided to use all my many versions of “Santa Baby”
Greetings from the couch
Hey kids, today the dial up access officially pissed me off, which means I am getting better. My voice is back, now I just sound like a regular kid with a cold. I did do more than just read and lie here today, I did clean the kitchen an itty bitty bit. Did more stuff around the house. Although not much. I am predicting a banner day of productivity tomorrow, tho. I have a Then and Now Christmas post I want to do, but I won’t be able to do it with dial up. It would make me insane. So I might go to the library. I need to talk to a librarian anyway. I miss ’em. Haven’t been ’round to see them lately.
Additionally, the jodicam has been offline forever. Also a victim of dial up, although it wouldn’t do much good to be online, since I haven’t been in the office in days. I could have set up a couch cam, but the last few days were not pretty. No one needs to see that much phlegm.
Pru’s playing in the garbage, I gotta go…
Love,
Jodi
50 Word Fiction Friday Vol. 37
Oh boy, I am so late. But it’s still Friday, so it counts. I only made it two hours at work yesterday before coming home. And I was home again today. This happened to me last year two, a week later in the month, right before xmas. I was sick as a dog. I ventured out to the grocery store today, but that’s about it. So, is it any wonder that today’s 50 word fiction theme is germs?
WBC Warriors Come Out and Play
She snuck up behind her prey, weapon firmly in hand. Hellbent on the havoc he was wreaking, he did not notice her.
“Yoohoo!” she called, and when he turned around, she ran her sword through his midsection.
“Damn you White Blood Cell Bitch!” the germ cried, as he died. Violently.