Author Archives: Jodi

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Ok everyone, raise your hands if you love sluts!

God dammit, I’m scared of America again.

The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and all UW schools may be denied access to birth control if a bill proposed by State Rep. Daniel LaMahieu [sic] becomes law. If passed, the UW Birth Control Ban bill will prohibit health care facilities on campus from dispensing, advertising or prescribing birth control to adult female students. LaMahieu proposed the bill because he feels access to birth control “encourages women to be promiscuous.”

What if it does? What if it does encourage women to be promiscuous. Who the hell does he think he is to sit in judgment of us? When did our government become the shepherds of female morality? Fuck you, Mr. LaMahlieu. And be sure to keep that morning after pill from rape victims, while you’re at it. You pompous, arrogant, over compensating, presumptuous, uptight, misogynistic, conceited little prick.

Ok, I’m done. [fuckwit] I should be able to lay off the profanity now. I realize my potty mouth is what garners me all the interesting search phrases. [assclown]. No….. sorry…. I can’t seem to move past the name calling stage. [prissy little cock sucker] Aaarrrrghhh!!!!

Now it’s my patriotic duty to be slutty, doesn’t he understand that?

link from This is not over.

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books

Henceforth and from now on, I decree that whenever something bad happens to me, there shall be bunnies around.

After work today, Louise and I ate comfort food at Johnny Rocket’s and worked on the review for Down on Ponce, for Satan’s Bookclub. I was struggling. Never wrote a book review before. Usually, I just talk shit about stuff. Now I was trying to write a review, and BAMF… nothing. We made progress and I’m going to let it simmer over night and take a look at it again, in the morning.

Then we went to Barnes and Noble. *grin* I bought some new books to read. A Factory of Cunning by Philippa Stockley and Devil in a Blue Dress by Walter Mosley. I don’t know which one to start first. Of course, I am also re-reading Lamb, as it is the book selection for the bookclub of Satan. [In case any of you were thinking about joining in.] It’s one of my favorites, so it’s no hardship.

And so ends a tiny bit of book news, from an otherwise uneventful day.

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Amelia, macs, work

You’re playing golf and you’re going to like it!

Jeez’m rice but the new 2.3 version of Ecto is gorgeous! I don’t know if any of you bloggers use a third party blogger aps to write your posts, if not, you should check out Ecto. I’m sorry, but when good applications get better, and prettier, I get all warm and mooshy inside. It’s got this beautiful new Amazon button! Something I used to do by hand… oh dear, I’m drooling all over myself. I’m such a geek. I am truly, honestly giddy right now. There is just so much… software beauty coming out right now. Adobe Creative Suite 2, Ecto 2.3, Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger…. I just want to lick Tiger.

Now that you are disgusted and repelled by my übergeekiness, let me tell you my new favorite search string, “What influences do Mexican Foods have on Nova Scotia.” How random is that? Unfortunately, I am sure they did not get the answers they were seeking from me. Now, I must ask that someone stop me from constantly looking at the search strings!! Seriously, it’s becoming compulsive. I have no self control. Someone needs to take me in hand. I mean, good luck in doing that, but still… someone should at least try. I think Amelia is worried about me. Although yesterday we were both cracking up because the monkee was telling a golf story.

“Golf… naturally. I bet he has tiny little golf clubs.”

“Amelia!!”

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I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

My punk rock little brother, Josh, is investigating low cost vasectomies, because he doesn’t want to “breed.” And I’m ok with that, I understand he doesn’t want to have kids. But I think a low cost vasectomy is a bad idea. Besides, most doctor’s won’t give a one to someone his age, he’s too young. He insists that he really really does not want to have kids. Also, he insists that the world is going to end in 2012, as predicted by the Mayans. So why have kids. Makes sense, so I made a deal with him, if the earth still exists in 2013 I will get him a vasectomy for his birthday. His 31st birthday, Feb. 2013, if he still does not want kids, I will buy him a vasectomy. In the mean time, it’s condoms. Everyone here is my witness. [I’ll start saving because, no offense Ancient Mayan culture, but … have you met Nostrodamus? You guys would get along great.]

Any money he makes that can be used for a vasectomy should be set aside for his teeth. Or to attend to vegan culinary school.

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Uncategorized

More fun with stats

Ok, so I wasn’t really #6 on a “good spanking” google search. I am, however, #100 on a msn search for “hot slut.” out of 231+ million hot sluts out there. That’s not bad. Still, you’ve got to be pretty devoted to finding hot sluts, to stick it out until #100. I was probably a disappointment.

But I am curious about #231,355,502… I don’t think they are living up to their full potential.

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books

One adorable little girl and a perfectly acceptable little boy…

Once upon a time there was a single Mom with two adorable children. Between the two, the little girl was definitely the more adorable, not to mention smart and witty. And very practical, for a five year old.

The single Mom met a Teacher, and they began dating. The Teacher was always over at the house, having dinner with the Mom and the two adorable children. At the end of the evening, the Teacher said his goodbyes, as he readied to return to his own home. The little girl thought this was silly. He was here all the freakin’ time. He even corrected her table manners! So she said, “Why don’t you just spend the night? My mom has a HUGE bed, there’s plenty of room.”

The single Mom looked away with a slightly embarrassed grin on her face. The Teacher’s grin was less embarrassed and he said that maybe one night, he would see if he could sleep over. Eventually, the single Mom and the Teacher got married. And the little girl was doomed to hear this story repeated over and over for the rest of her life.

The little girl grew up and the family lived happily every after. Until they got divorced. And the little girl decided that maybe marriage wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and she had it right in the first place. It’s better just to invite boys to spend the night.

The End


ps: not that the little girl was ever sorry that her mom married the Teacher.

pps: the adorable little girl is currently doing her best to avoid a book review that is not going well.

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Uncategorized

And now I find my Sunday is completely open….

This morning I woke up early, couldn’t go back to sleep. So eventually I gave up, got dressed and went out to run errands. I went down to “Babies R Us” to buy presents for my cousin Kirsten’s baby shower tomorrow. She’s having a boy. I was put into a coma that only the übercute can cause, I must have been in their an hour trying to find baby clothes that satisfied me all levels. It had to have that baby cuteness, something that would make people say “awwwww!” But it could not be so cutesy it made me gag. Couldn’t have too many cute critters on it. Couldn’t say something stupid like “Future Golfer.” Had to be soft. Preferably with stripes, because i love them so. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I wanted a pair of plain osh kosh overalls, hopefully the stripey kind. But no. And all the overalls I found had stuff all over them. I could have handled turtles, but when they also said “I love Mommie!” it made me cringe. But finally, I found some tiny baby stuff that I loved. Ummm. it had lions and it had giraffes and it had other animals and stripes. and it was blue. soooo cute! Widdle socks. Widdle hat. Lots of money.

So I came home super proud of myself for getting that present the day before, instead of the day of – my usual procedure. I worked on my review, I took some quizzes, I answered some email, and then I decided I deserved a nap. At 2:45 the phone rings and I hear my mom leaving me a message. Where am I? They thought I was coming to the shower? It started at two. The shower was today. And I had felt so ahead of the game, for once! So I threw on jeans that did not have a hole and took off. I decided the House of Skulls t-shirt was ok, because it was clean. By the time I got there, all the strawberries for the chocolate fondu were gone, but there was still pound cake. And pineapple.

In addition to having a baby, my cousin Kirsten is planning her wedding in October. Which may seem backwards, but we don’t care about things like that in my family. It just seems like so much… planning for a baby in June, planning for your wedding in October. More than I could handle. Kirsten is on the petite side, and has always worn high heels. Shoes I could never walk in. Her feet are permanently on tippy toe, like a Barbie doll. But today, 7 months pregnant, she was in flats. Which is so strange to see.

Kirsten: I could have handled the heels, it’s just that I am so hot lately, I couldn’t bear to put on shoes, so I went with flip-flops.

My mom Pattie: It’s ok, Kirsten, you don’t need the fuck-me pumps anymore.

Jodi: bwwhahahahaa! My mom said fuck-me pumps!! She’s been watching too much Sex in the City.

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books

Yeah, snarky, you know, from the ancient Greek, meaning butt head.

I told myself that I could go hang out in Barnes and Noble, when I finished my review of “Down on Ponce” for Satan’s Bookclub. But instead I am taking personality tests that I got from Suzy. By the way, “hanging out in Barnes and Noble” is code for “grabbing a large stack of books, sitting in one of the comfy chairs, browsing through them and leaving, after buying some or all of them.” I am having trouble with my review because a: I’ve never written one and it is not coming naturally to me and b: “Down on Ponce” is really hard to sum up and/or describe. What will most likely happen is, I will work on the review, but not finish, and go to Barnes and Noble anyway. Because I’m weak. And spoiled. And lacking in discipline. And a bunch of other fun things….

Your Inner European is Dutch!



Open minded and tolerant. You’re up for just about anything.

Who’s Your Inner European?

You Are a Snarky Blogger!



You’ve got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.

And that’s why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Seriously? Are bloggers scared of me? That’s awesome. Grrrrr

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evildeb, tshirts, work

superfunkycalifragisexy

I was listening to Prince on the way to, and from, work. Which makes me want to unpack those boxes of cd’s and find some funk.

You know, I’m not really #6 for “good spanking.” If you follow the search link, it would definitely appear that I was. But a fresh google shows that I am not. I don’t know what I was thinking. How on earth could I be #6? With all the spanking websites out there? Ridiculous. Yes, sure, I’m a little bit disappointed… but hey, people find me by looking up “boobies” as well. And that’s something. Hardly surprising considering what I was talking about, when I first started this blog. Hooray for boobies!!*

I was in training all day again today. It was pretty interesting. I’m not going to bother telling you what it was a about. Technical stuff. I was late to work. I thought training started at 8:30, but no… started at 9. So, officially, I was ok. Mostly, during training, I was a smart ass. Mostly. It’s my job. Someone has to be the comic relief. And I just can’t help it! It’s a compulsion. People expect it of me. There is just so many things that need commenting on, you know? Luckily, the trainer seemed to appreciate the irreverent humor of my team. Not that it would have stopped us, if he had not. So immature.

It’s a beautiful day here, in the low 70’s. Which freaks Evildeb the hell out, because she is not outside. Despite the fact that she suffers from the SAD, really nice sunny days only seem to piss her off and make her crabby. I knew that whole SAD thing was a hoax. [Look Deb, it’s sunny out, it’s going to be 74 degrees, you have NO RIGHT to be pissy!!] We had pizza for lunch, out in the courtyard. It was lovely. And an ice cream man drove down the street between the waterfront and plaza buildings. Which is an excellent sign of good things to come. I would have worn the short pants, but I nicked myself shaving. Bad. Like, a quarter size nick. And it would not quit bleeding. In fact, I passed out due to blood loss. That’s why I was sorta late to work.

My grandmother is currently dying, or going through the slow process of dying. She’s 90, and has many health problems. She’s deteriorated a great deal, since my granddad died. Right now, she has pneumonia, on top of her emphysema, her lungs are filling up with fluid, and she is getting less and less oxygen. She’s too weak to cough. She is semi-lucid, but can’t use her right hand, or control her bodily functions, but is eating. Every hour she gets a tiny bit worse. II’m getting a couple of updates a day, and it seems like I am just waiting to hear she has passed. It leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. I so want her to go peacefully. This doesn’t sound peaceful to me. My uncle says she is aware of what is going on, that she is in the hospital, what is happening with her lungs. I imagine she knows she is dying. I wonder if she welcomes it, if she’s impatient to get it over with. Her husband and her youngest son passed on before her, I imagine she wants to join them. In that country club in the sky. I have to admit, I wish she could sleep peacefully, she’s not able to rest right now, because of the coughing and fluid in her lungs. I wish she could sink in to a deep restful sleep and let go. I don’t want her to live like this. Nobody should have to live like this. So I have that weird feeling, the one where I know I can’t really plan anything over the next week, because I might be going to Arizona any day. But… I had that same situation/feeling with Granddad, and he hung on for months.

Phase One of the big project at work is completed. Months and months of planning and work, done. And I’ve decided that I have not spent enough time in Barnes and Noble lately. Grabbing a big pile of books, and sitting in a comfy chair to browse through them. So that is definitely a plan for the weekend. I deserve books. Phase Two of the big project is now to begin. I call that the cleaning up phase. Busy, but not like Phase One.

*Don’t forget, you too can have your own “Hooray for Boobies!” t-shirt. Never in my life have I had more comments on anything I wear. Girls love it, guys love it, cats, dogs, bunnies and squirrels love it too!

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