i moved my desk. it now faces out, towards the living room and the windows, instead of the corner. my desk is comprised of a heavy wooden door, resting on two oak cabinets. it’s a btich to move. the door is on the edge of being something that is too heavy for me to handle alone. it’s toooo heavy and too big. but… i just tie a towel around my neck al· supergirl and do it. anyway, i just got the electronics hooked up, and was sitting here in a not so comfortable dining room chair, catching up on emails and shit, and after about 45 minutes, i moved to stand … and everything hurts. everything would not hurt on supergirl.

so i’m moving stuff around in casita di hodi. that is, sometimes, the only way to get me to to truly clean, once things reach a certain level of disarray. that level often is referred to as “chaos,” by some. some who are unenlightened. my feng shui may not be good feng shui, but it’s mine. nonetheless, i can recognize when the energies are blocked. and i think there is some energy that’s been stuck under my “dining room” table for some months. plus, my desk’s been facing this corner for years now, and i’m sort of over it. you know? so over the past three days, i have been moving stuff around. slowly. it takes a long time for me to do stuff like this. first of all, i usually watch movies while i do it. one minute, i am, with great trepidation, discovering what lives under the cushions of my couch, and the next minute… i’m watching The Goonies. it didn’t hurt that santa brought me the indiana jones collectors edition, complete with 4th dvd full of extra details and goodies i needed to know. i want to marry indiana jones!! but i’m not alone. find me a straight girl, who is within a ten year age radius of … me, who doesn’t want to marry him. i also watched “secretary” with maggie gyllhalaidfhaslfallen. i think that’s how you spell her last name. i’d look it up BUT MY INTERNET IS STILL DOWN. bastards.
but here is my message to you, today. if you have not yet seen it, watch “whale rider.” especially if you are female girl type person. and if you are a girl type person who is somehow related to my paternal lineage, i must INSIST that you watch it. just so you can say to yourself “ahhh… yes, pai… i know. foolish men who don’t recognize the value of a daughter.” *cough* sorry. sharing too much. but even if you are not a girl person, or related to me, watch this movie. it’s beautiful and haunting and lovely and moving. and it’s got WHALES!! whales rock. i’m a huge fan of the marine mammal group. the soundtrack is stunning. and i am so happy it was available on the iTunes music store, because i bought it, and i am going to spend many hours sitting and staring at a flickering candle, while listening to this music. otherwise known as “meditating.” seriously, it’s a lovely movie. and i’m convinced i must live in new zealand for at least 12 straight months at some point in my life. [hopefully writing a book.] anyone wanna come with me? if my internet were up, i’d be researching it right now. i wonder if there is some quarantine period pru would have to go through first?

dammit. i wanted to write many witty things about my adventures during my holiday vacation. not that i had any. but i had three different types of family drama, from three different branches. some funny. some not at all funny, but rather sad and tragic. fodder. i had the mad race to finish up whatever it was i felt was important, before i left work for the rest of the year. items that i can’t remember now, for a job that i forgot how to do by the end of the day on the 25th. fodder. all of my last minute shopping. the fact that i completely forgot to buy by older brother a present until 9:30 pm on the 23rd, only to find out later he wasn’t going to participate in christmas this year. more fodder. the beautiful snow we had on the evening of the 30th, my late night driving and partial donuts driven in the parking lot of top foods in crossroads shopping center. frozen fodder. my unshakable subconscious belief i had won the the mega million lottery 150 million dollar jackpot, that manifested itself in a compulsive need to drive through some of my favorite older neighborhoods and stop at the houses for sale. houses that no one in my social or familial circle could afford. tree lined fodder. and my traditional apathetic non recognition of new years. home alone with dvd fodder.
but instead, i started moving furniture and going through boxes and drawers and piles. of crap. my crap. i can be a very hermatic, internally focused little girl, when left alone. and blog fodder has a limited shelf life, people. if you don’t refrigerate it, it goes bad quickly. right now, my fridge is full of crap. like red rounds of gouda cheese, hickory farms turkey stick, kozy shack rice pudding, snapple peach iced teas and diet dr. peppers. don’t go to top foods late at night when you are hungry, kids. you end up with party food, fancy crackers, tiny breads, tins of almond roca, and no kitty litter.
i still have three more days of vacation. so who’s to say i can’t scrape something entertaining together before it ends? i am thinking of going to ikea tomorrow.
ps: as i am about to copy and paste this text from Text Edit [spell check] to MoveableType [no spell check] i have discovered that my internet connection is down. i finally have something to post, and i am denied. bugger all.

Sexual Discrepancy

Which Inner Demon ™ Possesses You?
brought to you by Quizilla
oooo… look at me. i’m a SEXY DEMON!! thanks loon!

why my family rules. a: my mom got me an electronic merriam-webster dictionary/thesaurus for xmas. cuz i wanted one. b: when given a borders gift card, by me, my cousin pat said he knew just what he wanted to get with it… a big dictionary. he was just sorry it wasn’t all 9,782 volumes of the oxford dictionary.
ps: yes, i know it’s not the study of bugs.

give it a few days.. eventually, i’ll find my way back from the simsverse. you know what would help me? this:

but in a larger size. the size you would use to store a bunch of files. whatever size that is. a size of some significance, but not too large. and i need at least two of them. only i can’t find them anywhere. the largest size i can find would hold a few hanging files. maybe. it would sit on top of your desk. i need BOXES. but they need to be pretty like that. i’m tired of the stacks of ugly boxes i have storing all my books that won’t fit in the bookshelf. or anywhere else. i got some awesome stickers to decorate the boxes with… classy shit. i’m having a real queer eye for the straight guy gay man’s decorating tip moment here, people but i cannot find the MATERIALS. i hate that.
anyway, here at the lables/stickers i have. some of them. i have international [24 stickers] and americana [24 stickers]. how cool are they? can you see why i need pretty red boxes with black steel corners?
oh bother.

but i am playing the sims. which means this reality does not exist. and since my blog is in this reality…..
man, i love love love not working.

i bought a christmas present today. yay me! it’s for my mom pattie. it’s not a very big one. but that makes…. ummm… two. i have purchased two presents so far. i suck. you know, i was all ready to have christmas spirit this year, i really was. it’s been a while. i first lost the christmas spirit in 94, the first christmas after my dad died. he died on jan. 16th, so it had been almost a year. but i went to pennsylvania to be with my stepmom and little brother. and i was so upset, because i was so poor. and there was no dad to buy her anything special. there was no anyone to buy her anything really nice. but like it or not, my most concrete christmas traditions come from my mom’s side of the family. and soon, it became a general missing of my father around his birthday, around january 16th, around any holiday. but i got my christmas spirit back.
i lost it again in ’99. and this time, i lost it for a long long time. in april of 99 my parents split. my mom pattie and my stepdad ron. my mom, dad, aunt vickie, uncle jim and myself were very very close. we are close to everyone in the family, but the five of use were a separate little core of closeness. my older brother wasn’t around enough to understand that closeness. it was really the five of use. we called ourselves the happy shiny “fill in the occasion” family. that came about when i was a junior in high school. jim and vickie were not yet married, but they were living together. mom, ron, vickie and i were driving from oklahoma to colorado, to be with the entire family in grand junction. the car was stuffed to the gills, the vickie and were packed into the back seats, surrounded by pillows and all her christmas craft projects and my books. and i said, “well look at us… aren’t we the happy shiny little christmas family?” i probably said it with a bit of teenage sarcasm in it, but the name stuck. and we became the happy shiny family. the happy shiny easter family. the happy shiny graduation party family. the happy shiny moving someone into a new home family. that was us.
but in 99, the happy shiny family broke up. some of us had very little choice in the matter. and it broke our hearts. ok, mine. i’m sure it broke my mom’s heart too. christmas of 99, my mom and i went to arizona, to be with mour mour and to just be away from the reminders. they were only separated, at that point, and not yet divorced. that became final at christmas of 2000. the decision to divorce came that fall, up until that moment, i still held onto hope. so it hit me really heard in 2000. every christmas, it hits me. i’m really sad. and i miss the way it used to be. and now i feel i am reliving my childhood, trying to work out times, during the holidays, to see family. family who cannot be around each other. last year, i faked christmas spirit. because that was our first christmas without mour mour. and i knew how sad it would be for my mom and vickie. so i faked it. when in reality, i was immersed in the worst depression of my life.
so, the whole point of this is… this year, i felt i could truly get my christmas spirit back. i looooved christmas. i was ready. i thought this was the year. but i don’t feel it. i feel nothing. which is different from previous years, in which i was overwhelmed by the season, and the sadness that came with it, for me. this year… no sadness. no overwhelmed. just… nothing. evildeb says she feels the same way. she keeps adding more decorations to her home, trying to get the spirit. so… maybe there is something wrong with the christmas spirit this year? this is the no fat version? or the vegan version?
or is it just me?

they won’t give me my life back. plus, dr. stevil told me that they WILL be converting Makin’ Magic to mac format, due for release late january. oh why can’t it be done in time for xmas break? that is the perfect expansion pack for me. superstar is ok, i like the new toys. but i just don’t care that much about fame.
however, you can get massages in studio city. and i DO care about massages.

as i mentioned in my earlier post, today, i went to the apple store and fondled the latest expansion pack for the sims, on the mac. superstar. the thing is, people kind of look at you funny if you fondle software. they are fine if you fondle the hardware, that’s to be expected. have you seen how cute the 12″ powerbook is? so, they were looking at me funny, and i had to buy it.
a little background about the lanes
the lanes are brother and sister, parker and jane. their father is a rich international business tycoon. their mother was an actress, beautiful and talented, she was worshipped by all. she stepped out of the limelight when she married mr. lane, had two kids and then died. so sad. anyway, so parker and jane live together. parker thinks he lives with jane because she needs someone to look out for her. she’s sweet and shy and beautiful. she’s had a few gold digging bastards break her heart. in reality, jane is living with parker at the request of her father. parker’s a flake, tends to get involved with dicey business ventures with shady characters. loses a great deal of money. stuff like that.
parker and jane have a dog named buddy. cute dog! but one day, they noticed he just didn’t get enough attention. he was always under socialized. so they got him a friend, sasha. another cute dog. buddy thought sasha was the bee’s knees and it wasn’t long before they were snuggling. lo and behold, they had a puppy! the puppy is currently dans le bassinet. you can’t see it. we don’t even know what gender it is, nor does it have a name. i guess it takes puppies and kittens three sim days to mature, just like a sim baby. i don’t know, this is my first attempt at sim pet breeding.