here is something fun. if you are tired of your own name, babynames.com will help you generate a new one, based on your current name and a personality trait. you can play with it all day long.
trust me,
Love,
yi tawny hamilton

so i saw the matrix finally. it was pretty good. i like the fighting. a bunch of smiths… that’s good. i have a couple of complaints/thoughts. first, fishbourne was bugging me big time. oh hi, drama queen much? yes, i think so, morpheus. no wonder mrs. jada pinkette smith preferred the crabby guy. and please, put a shirt on. also, the whole dancing sex scene? matrix porn!! i think i was supposed to find that sexy. was i? i didn’t. i found it… trite. and i guess i really wasn’t all that interested in sex between trinity and neo. in fact, i think i found it disturbing.
however, i loved the french guy, merovingian. he ruled!! he made the movie. i hope he’s in the 3rd one. he should be. he should be in lots and lots of movies. all the time. he was delightful. you practically want to be friends with him. although he IS evil. but still, all those french curses he could teach you!!
hey, did i tell you? yesterday i went to the post office, and there was a panhandler outside. when i came out, he asked me for change, but i explained i used my change to buy stamps. as i walked away he said, “i like your voice!” umm… what? I don’t think anyone has ever complimented me on my voice before. with good reason. weird.

[editor note: for the first time, part of this blog was written offsite, by hand in my journal. giving it a bakery fresh, on the scene, freshness that was previously missing from other blog updates.]
on sunday, i decided to hunt down my missing friend aislann. the last known number i had for her was no longer good. the last time i had heard from her, she’d left me a voice mail telling me that she and her husband had split. the only email address i have really belongs to him. so…. i don’t know if they split for good. probably not. but still. so i decided to go drive by her last known place of residence. aka: her house. but i missed the exit. because i was day dreaming. which meant that soon i was shooting north on i-5. heading for everett.
at that point, why NOT just keep going until you reached marysville. and therefore the new tulalip casino that just opened last week. it costs a bunch of money. millions and millions. and you know what that means? SHINY!! you bet. that’s why i am sitting here, in the parking lot of a walmart, just down the road from the tulalip casino. it was my hope to soak in the ambiance and then sit in the cafe and write about it. but the cafe is not open yet.
it’s a gorgeous place, i’ll tell you what. it looks all vegassy inside. the only thing that’s missing is the sound of coins. all the slot machines are video slots. however, some of them do add the sound of coins when you are entering your credits from your ticket, or “cashing out.” and they even had my very most favorite slot machine, jackpot party!! albeit the video version. i don’t really like the video version. and i’m not just saying that because i was SCREWED multiple times, out of having my jackpot party. slots are evil. every time i play them, which until today, has been in vegas, i’ve because i little less enchanted with them. not quite so drawn by the pretty lights and sounds. i didn’t play too long, but i left down, rather than up. feh. next time i go back, i’m going to play blackjack.
and that is how i ended up here, in the walmart parking lot. am i going in? HELL YEAH i’m going in!! gambling and walmart go hand in hand. don’t you think?
much much later….
walmart is one of the most unpleasant retail environments out there today. now i know why i don’t shop there. it’s only my 2nd time in one. maybe i thought that the experience i had in arizona, at walmart, was unique. and i would go ahead and go in to buy kitty litter and various other little things. it was HELL. that place is horrible. the lighting is horrible, the noise is horrible, the appalling lack of personal space is horrible. the very lack of feng shui. you can almost see energy being sucked out of the top of your head, and swallowed up by giant fan. i bet that’s how they pay their electric bill. they harness the energy… the hopes, dreams, desires of their patrons into some futuristic energy sponge. and that’s how they fuel their empire. and because you don’t even know it’s happening, it’s free. and that’s how come the prices are so low.
give me target any day.

some thing or someone was testing my patience last night. my INFINITE FUCKING PATIENCE, i might add. my apartment was too hot and airless [and too messy, actually] to be comfortable last night. so i thought i would go see a breezy and funny movie. i went to see “down with love.” when i first walked in, i was the only one there. i took one of three seats that have handrails, instead of seats, in front of them. because the seats in front of them are actually spaces for wheelchairs. i did that so i could put my feet up on the bars and be comfy. soon, another couple came in. and older couple, with a heavy accent of some kind. and they sat DIRECTLY BEHIND ME!! that’s just wrong. there was an entire empty theatre and they sat behind me. ok. whatever. technically, that was not part of my personal space. i suppose. but it is. it really is, you know. if the entire theatre is empty, sitting directly behind me is an invasion of my personal space. other people came in, but it certainly did not get full. it was a thursday night movie crowd. most people were probably out enjoying the weather. which is crazy.
so, anyway AFTER the movie started, the woman tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that she might, periodically, have to put her foot up on the arm rest next to me, as she just had surgery. i thought that meant she’d prop her foot up on the arm rest, like most people do, and said, “ok.” but what she meant was “i will be moving my ankle between the two seats, yours on the left, and the empty one on your right, and i will be resting my entire leg on the arm rest, with my foot encased in old lady pantyhose anklets. and yes, my foot will touch your arm, you will be unable to avoid it. this is why i chose to sit directly behind you, instead of in a row with no one in front of me. because i thought it would be more considerate.”
everyone knows i hate feet!! especially the feet of people i don’t know. i wanted to get up and move. but i had my perfect spot, man. so i decided to accept this as a test from god. a test of my ninja powers to ignore my environment. plus, when she took her foot down for a while, i leaned on that arm rest for a while. i claimed it. it was mine to begin with. she had a whole theatre of rows with no one in front of them!! bitch!!
and yes, that is a god damn simpson quote. because it summed it up nicely and i couldn’t think of a quote i wanted. i tried. i gave up. i’m using those same ninja powers to ignore the fact i’ve lowered myself to the point of using simpson quotes.
hey, but you know what? the movie was delightful! go see it.

every once in while, someone says something obscure that provides me with a great blog title. this comes from adam, on the brain. explaining it won’t make it funnier. let’s just say i was muy muy crabito, or perhaps crabita, this morning. baaaaad. and some people were cruisin’ for a beating, just by existing. in my defense, they are annoying on a good day. anyway, for some reason, this reply of adam’s just cracked me up. i sat there laughing out loud for several minutes. and i regained some humanity. so… pudding for everyone!!! it is good to be a genius.
my dublin style dr pepper has not yet arrived. i did have several other tasty sodas this weekend. i san pellegrino limonata. lemon is a good thing. jone’s soda MF Grape soda, and jone’s soda cherry soda. [in answer to your question , fee, i got your bottle cap pin from jone’s soda itself. they are bottled here, in seattle, and they were at the fremont fair one year. ] i have no idea what the MF in the Grape soda stands for. maybe it’s Mother Fucking Grape. anyway, the grape tasted like kool aid. it was ok. if you wanted a totally surgary tasting drink with bubbles. no grapes were harmed in the creation of this soda. the cherry was much better. i like it. i also had a moxie cherry cola and it was very good. in case you can’t tell, i made a stop at a local beverage mart.
the sad part about my dublin style dr pepper is that i am strongly considering going on a low carb diet. that would pretty much rule out dr pepper until i reached phase three. i can’t start the diet until i’ve at least had a couple of bottles. right? besides, i’m still reading the fitness plan book, so i am not ready to begin. and no, it’s not atkins. i’ll tell you more about it when i am done with the book. i’m learning a lot of unfortunate things about being carbohydrate sensitive. that’s what they call it. basically, it means i eat all the wrong things, and the bad carbs could be the source of all my ills. a lot of it makes sense, however. dammit. it’s not forever… i’ll have dr pepper again. and after the first two weeks, i might even have it occasionally. depends on how many carbs are in one of those little bottles. there were 46 in the jones cherry soda. hint: that’s a FUCKING TRUCKLOAD of bad sugar carbs. that, my friends, is a road to diabete’s type II, if you aren’t careful.
*shudder*
was i just talking about the evils of sugar? oh man.. pretty soon i’m going to be lauding the benefits of regular exercise. this is not good. thank god i am at least avoiding work, presently. all hell is not entirely in the hand basket.

the quote, lisa, from the 21st, is from a book called “a woman of independent means” by elizabeth something with an F hailey. i think it’s been made into a Lifetime movie channel miniseries at one point, i am sure. i have actually never read the book, but i have seen the quote. i had to look it up, because i could not remember it word for word. in actuality, i may remember quotes when i see them, but i am not good at reciting them word for word. but it’s apropos, right?
if last holiday weekend was brought to you by the seedy sexual underbelly of society, as well as sleeping too much. we are now brought to you buy soda pop. last week, we began an ubermoment when fee brought up san pellegrino’s aranciata and limonata soda pop. and then elle said, oh it’s so funny you should bring that up, because i found out about the san pellegrino aranciata and limonata for the first time the other day… and so on. but two does not make an ubermoment. it takes three. and that was me, seeing the aranciata in larry’s market and deciding to give it a try. it’s num num good. but the bottles or cans are wee tiny small. i could drink six in one sitting. i need to try the limonata. i love lemon stuff. larry’s was out.
but then, to continue the soda pop theme, steve, evildeb and i took a walk down the street to real soda. i wanted to see if they had any of the dr pepper made with real cane sugar. the old fashioned kind, the way they used to make it. they say, if you are a pepper, it’s the only way to go. and we all know i am pepper. they didn’t have any, that i saw. but i had already gotten a hankerin’ for it. real soda is not a store, but a distributor that does have a little walk up business. i guess. there was no one around when we walked in. they say, on their website, if you want to purchase soda online, to visit sodaking.com. but soda king sells it by the bottle. 99 cents each. whereas the dublin, tx bottling plant sells it by the case. they are the only plant left to use real cane sugar, and the dr pepper that comes from the plant is called dublin dr pepper. and yet, it’s not irish! go figure. i bought my case, but, after taxes, shipping was only $2 less than the case. soo… i think we’ll have to have a little talk with real soda. to see how i can get a case from them, now and then.
but just think about it… a nice cold bottle of sugared up dr pepper, from the back of the fridge, where it gets nice and slushy, on a warm summer evening, in your breezeless third floor apartment, listening to your annoying french neighbor, practice the electric bass…. thumpa-thumpa-thumpa. over and over and over. before you use the fuel found from your sugared up dr pepper to go next door and KILL HIM!! mmmm…. sounds delightful!

this past weekend, a five day weekend for me, was brought to you by the seamy sexual underbelly of society. nice use of alliteration, huh? first, i came home on thursday night, to find a notice posted above the mail boxes. the notice stated that i should expect contact from a certain officer, from my city’s police department. because i have, living in my apartment building, a registered sex offender. in fact, he’d been living there for years, but he’d recently been recoded a level 2 sex offender. which meant that i had the right to know he was there. i don’t know if this means he’s offended some more people, sexually, or if there has been some kind of national code range review, and sex offenders of his type have recently been upgraded to level 2. anyway, he’s into the child molestation, so i am safe. attached to the notice was another notice about “keeping your kids safe.” to be held at a local church somewhere. this is important because the notice itself soon moved to the third floor. my floor. i don’t know if they were trying to tell us that not only was he in my building, but on my floor as well. we don’t normally have notices posted on our floor. but, the important part, i’ve not received any communication. from officer whoosiwhat, or from my apartment manager or anything. in fact, the notice is now gone. so, i’m wondering if it was a copy of a notice, from some other random building. but used in such a way to encourage people to attend this “keeping your kids safe” thing at the church. then, once they have you in the church, THEY SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL FOR JESUS!!! it’s quite possible.
secondly, i recently told fee about my porn email address. this is an email address i set up only because i needed some porn. you see, and this was a long time ago, i needed to get some revenge on jordan, who lives in nyc. when she first moved there, she spent a lot of time chatting on line. and, being jordan, she attracted all the freaks. she encourages them. she had lots of nekkid pictures sent to her. lots and lots. and she would send them to me, without warning. to shock me. so i had to get some to send back to her. it was a game, you see. and you have to give them an email. and sometimes a credit card, even for the “free preview.” it bothers me a lot more to give my email address, than my credit card. i didn’t want the spam. so now, years later, i have this address that receives only the porn spam. i never check it. it’s very handy. i decided to clear it out this weekend and received 201 porn spam emails. of every type. i had no idea that bestiality had made it into the mainstream porn spam categories. neat. jordan and i have played other porn games, [porn games are, fyi, 50x’s better for your health than war games, by the way. someone should inform world leaders.] i once sent her a care package. i packed everything up in wadded up pages from a gay porn magazine. only the pretty pictures, if you know what i mean. wink wink, nudge nudge. ironically, she was never able to open the attachments i sent, when i flooded her mailbox with porn. if i remember correctly.
but that is actually only the first part of the weekend. the rest of the weekend was brought to you by sleeping all day and staying up all night. now, i promised myself i would spend some time getting organized today. and so i am going to go do that. at work, of course, i’d need a month of wednesdays to get organized at home.

Lisa said, “Nice “Buffy” quote Jodi. But you should have quoted something from the episode in which Buffy is in a mental ward because you are living in a dream world.”
good job on the quote, li-loo. no one ever tries to guess where they are from. even if i offer bonus points. i chose to ingore your remark about my dream world. but, in my dream world, you are currently living with 12 cats and make a living by crocheting tea cozies for the blind. your life can improve, in my dream world. but you will need to adjust your attitude. missy.
the above quote is dedicated to you, li-loo. but i doubt you’ll find it as easy to identify. and yes, bonus points* will be awarded.
hey… if you comment on my blog, you too can get entire enteries aimed at you and you alone! fun! be the center of attention!!
*as previously stated: bonus points aren’t really good for anything. you can’t trade them in for prizes. they don’t get you extra days off with pay, or more stock options, or extra credit. bonus points exist simply to make you feel superior to those around you. and who can put a price on that? you can’t. it’s priceless.

time for “deep thoughts on a saturday night.” a game social losers like me like to play. oh, by the way, happy norwegian constitution day!! it’s may 17th!! something else only social losers like myself would know. but only if they used to live in ballard, along the parade route.
my cousin scott recently adopted a new cat. his cat, gracie, died after a long life. she was 17. scott said that he did not want to get a kitten, as they are always adopted out, they are so cute. he wanted a CAT. a cat that had been in the shelter for a while. maybe one that was always passed over for the cute little kittens? he adopted a 14 pound black cat, which he named sofie. apparently she has a variety of meows. one of which is a siamese type.
the reason i bring this up.. i was talking to my cousins about our cats. i mentioned that pru hunts invisible bugs on the wall. scott said oh no… they aren’t invisible, cats see in four dimensions. which made sense to me at the time, i have no idea why. later… probably while trying to fall asleep, i said FOUR dimensions? hang on there… isn’t the fourth dimension time? to the best of my knowledge, scott was neither high nor drunk. maybe i misunderstood him. but i decided to look it up anyway. turns out, cats can discern movement at a much faster rate than humans, even when there is very little. which is why they like to watch tv. they are fascinated by it. but they don’t see the fourth dimension.
because the 4th dimension is fucking hard to understand!! it’s a freakin’ tesseract people!! like in a wrinkle in time? you want a visual representation of the 4th dimension, in your 3d world? you have to be able to cross one i at a time to see it. luckily, i can do this. think of it this way, we have 3 ways to move in space right now. forward/backward. left/right. up/down. each of these directions are perpendicular to each other. no one direction is made of of any other directions. you can go forward and back all you want, and you won’t be going left or right as well. you can’t. sooo… the 4th direction would have to somehow be perpendicular to the 3 directions we already know. right? got it?
ok, i can’t really visualize it either. and i had to read about 8 different web pages to understand it. the visualization of the 4th dimension is called the hypercube. and this pageis the best explanation i could find. i plagiarized it in the paragraph above.
you want to have more fun with the fourth dimension, go read Flatland by edwin a. abbot. the whole thing is online. makes your brain bigger. give a whirl.

hey, you know what? eddie izzard, whom we LOVE, updated his website. and now it has all sorts of fun stuff on it. you should go look at it. you should go now. if you register on the website, you get advance notice of tour dates. supposedly. so i did. because i am so there when, not if, he comes to seattle.
and hey, let’s use a picture of eddie to segue into another topic. [because… see.. he’s using a MAC.]

i’m in love with the new apple music store. i’m especially in love with it, since i got it working at work. i am having a problem with a song that i bought at home. it won’t play at work. even though my account is authorized for two computers. it keeps asking me to authenticate for the song. i do, but it doesn’t take. i have not yet tried to play the songs i purchased at work, at home. i’ll have to test that. anyway, it’s driving me nuts, this other song. despite my great love for the music store. i pity the pc users.
and if that were not enough apple goodness, the retail store finally opened in my mall! i actually got to see a real live 17 inch powerbook previously, i had only seen pictures. it’s a beautiful thing. gorgeous. sure, it’s wider than norm. but it’s so skinny! and beautiful. sigh. i want one. but i also want one of the new iPods. i want so many things. what i GOT was the new processor upgrade for my g4. for $90 less than they were 4 weeks ago. NICE. it’s been shipped. i should have it any day.
man.. i’m just geek babbling now. that’s not all that interesting. i’m going to go get a frosty at wendy’s.