i’ve been pretty quiet, i know. and here is why:
Definition of depression. to be considered clinically depressed, you need to be feeling at least five of the following symptoms for about two weeks. that’s a lose guide.
– Persistent feelings of sadness, irritability or anxiety
– Overreaction to irritations
– Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, including sex
– Sleep too much, or sleep too little
– Unexpected loss or gain of weight
– Tiredness or restlessness
– Slowed movement, thought and/or speech
– Guilt, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness
– Inability to concentrate and poor memory
– Loss of motivation
– Feelings of hopelessness
– Suicidal thoughts and/or behavior
– Withdrawal from relationships, anti-social behavior
– Physical aches and pains that seem to have no other cause
and i’ve been experiencing 8 of them, for more than two weeks. actually, since about july. adjusted some meds, and at first, i thought it might work. but it was temporary. i was probably just feeling better because i was doing something about it. that didn’t last. once i did not get a temporary xmas job IMMEDIATELY my spirits fell directly to the floor.
so poor little depressed jodi… what’s she going to do? increase her meds and she her shrink, that’s what. don’t worry… it’s just been especially bad the last few weeks. i’ll be ok.
title is a quote from “say anything” which is one of the best movies of all time as we all know.
here is a little xmas picture of me at about 3 to cheer you up, after all my depression talk. don’t i look EVIL? i do. bet i made the naughty list that year.

and maybe we need a picture of eddie izzard. because who can be uncheered when thinking of eddie izzard?

look! he’s a bunny!

have you heard of this?
From NaNoWriMo.org:
National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.
Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over talent and craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.
Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.
Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.
As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and — when the thing is done — the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.
Last year, we had 5000 participants. Over 700 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.
So, to recap:
What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month’s time.
Who: You! We can’t do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let’s write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.
Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era’s most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from your novel at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.
When: Writing begins November 1, 2002. To be added to the official list of winners, the 50,000-word mark must be reached by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

how come i didn’t know about this? i so completely need to do this! i cannot believe i found out about it at the end of nov. dammit. i’m doing this next year.

hi. long time no write. sorry. bad jodi. first i was sick, then it was thanksgiving, then i was in san jose for cousin jon’s wedding. now i am back. so here i am.
i actually don’t have much to say at this minute. i might have more later. maybe i am just popping in to say i am not gone. i’m working on a new design for the site, as well. hopefully soon.

this can’t be right. i’m a ray of fucking sunshine, god dammit!!

I am terrifyingly evil!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

i’m a little behind on the word of the day.
kakistocracy • \kak-uh-STAH-kruh-see\ • (noun)
: government by the worst people
i’ve never heard this word. but i imagine that josh and mr. moon have. my little punk buddies. i’m not sure josh knows that i am planning to replace our older brother with mr. lj moon. who is, in fact, not older than i, but he is bigger. so i can still refer to him as my big brother. i am having some trouble with my mom agreeing to disown the current big brother. but i am sure that i will not have any trouble with josh’s mom. however, since she’s the stepmom of the current big brother, it’s up to mijn moeder, pattie. mrs. moon has already agreed to drop mr. moon’s family in favor of mine.
i’ve been looking at some blogs online, recently. i’ve noticed that some make daily postings with links to things, like news articles or such, and then comment on them. i don’t do that. maybe i am blogging incorrectly? it’s just… i hate it when people send me links without explaining what they are. emails with subject titles like “Oh my god!” and then a link pasted in the body of the email. that’s it. i mostly hate these emails at work. i get hundreds of emails at work. i don’t have time for that kind of crap, or to follow every link. or maybe i’m already on a website reading something of my own choosing. but the absolute worst is when i get that email, and then the sender comes over to my desk and stands over me to watch my reaction. drives me nuts. it only takes a second to indicate, within the body of the email, why this link might be of such interest to me. “you would not believe how cheap these shoes are!!” something like that.
you know, you should never admit what annoys you. now i’m going to get lots of unexplained links in the mail. phooey.

wait. here’s something else i need to say today. today i just remembered that it is my ex-best friend tina’s birthday. i can’t remember how old she is. i don’t know why it came to me today. but it did.
tina was my best friend and sometimes roommate from summer ’88 to about summer ’98. ten years. she was a toxic friend to me. and i was in my 20’s. bad time for me. [i have a theory… your 20’s is a second puberty, and it’s much worse than the first, because this time you are grappling with the meaning of your entire life.] when we were friends, my entire existence seemed to be about keeping her in a good mood. somehow, that became the definition of friendship to me; keep tina happy and entertained. succeed at it, i would be a “good friend.” anyway, somewhere along the line, tina decided to dump me. don’t know why. she just quit answering my calls or e-mails, ignored my birthday. just disappeared. and even though it’s obvious that i needed to get away from that, it hurt me terribly. broke my heart, in a way. it took me a long long time to get over that.
but, as you guessed, it was the best thing she ever did for me, our entire friendship. i had turned 30, i was starting to figure things out, i was working on the depression. meeting people like lonnie and corie, sara and rae, jordan, curtis, etc. was the best thing that could have happened. it changed my life. i had friends who had similar interests. [i had often played down my interests in favor of tina’s.] and now, four years later, i have a great group of friends both near and far, and i never ever ever pretend to be something i am not. and i never will. [interesting note: i have friends that work with her, or at the same place at least. apparently she always complains that she has no friends. i wonder why?]
so happy birthday tina. i appreciate that you were a crappy friend, because you gave me the greatest gift ever. i hope you have a long and fruitful life, full of happiness. just nowhere near me, please.

i hate spammers. someone has hacked into the filmthreat.com yahoo group and now everyone is getting all of these emails. some offensive to those who do not want an invitation to suck cock. some just erroneous about the filmthreat web site and chris gore. these people make me angry. and i want to hurt them. i make a horrible pacifist. but they are just fucking insane and annoying!!! and there should be dire, and painful, consequences for being so.
i would just like to point out, to my little brother josh, that i comment on HIS live journal. he’s not commented on my blog. i bet he doesn’t even read it. here is his chance to prove otherwise.
i’m listening to christmas music. i have to. i am forcing myself into the christmas spirit. i am going to have more christmas spirit than i have had in years… since 1999, for sure. i’m doing it for my mommy. and my auntie vickie and uncle skip. this is our first christmas without mo¸r mo¸r, and i’ll be damned if i am going to let my lack of christmas spirit contribute additional sadness to the occasion. my mommy just lost her mommy. she needs me to be cheery, god dammit. and i’m going to do it. i used to love love love christmas. and that jolly christmas angel is in me somewhere. i need to put up lights, that’s what i need to do. and get my santa collection out. well, i suppose it would all look better if i actually cleaned the apartment. i’ve let it get really messy. bad jodi.
did you see that thing about michael jackson’s nose? it’s collapsing. the outlook is “grim.” he’s downright scary looking now. i hope his nose collapses entirely, and actually concaves into his face. like a bellybutton or something. an innie of course.

so, are you wondering how my luck is going, now that i have nekkid middle fingers? let me tell you.
a: the job at love pantry is not going to work out. they are hiring part time for days, during the week. plus, the lady was mean. maybe she was having a bad day, but she didn’t sound very nice. my application to the bon marche has yielded no results, as of yet. so i am still part time jobless.
b: i got a speeding ticket this weekend. there are two ways to look at this. it was very unfortunate to receive a speeding ticket. i have not received one in many many years. it could be coincidental that i should receive a speeding ticket after removing the ring from my middle finger. however, the cop was very very nice and very cute. he did not give me a ticket for a lack of proof of insurance in my car. which is a $480 ticket. he also knocked the ticket down to the cheapest ticket he could give me. he could have just let me off with a warning, however. so… glass could be either half full or half empty, i don’t know.
does anyone find it ironic that i spent a great deal of time working on a xmas present for ron’s girlfriend’s daughter this weekend, when i have not yet received my xmas present from him from last year? ron and his girlfriend bought my ibook for the daughter. i’ve never met her. but he had me take it out for upgrades and such. they told the daughter, and i guess she called him every day asking when she could have it. so he’d call me. it’s just kind of funny that i should be working on this, when i haven’t received my bookshelves. which ron was supposed to build for me. not funny ha-ha, but funny hey-wait-a-minute, this-isn’t-funny-at-all! oh well. i gots some moneys. i’m not complaining about that. i just wish i had those bookshelves as well. as he left yesterday, ron asked me what i wanted for xmas. now that is funny!
last night, the kitten declared war on my hands. it looks like i’ve been playing with barbed wire! evil kitten. i think i am going to have all her claws and teeth removed. all of them. she’ll just eat really soft food. really really soft. [can you imagine how weird a toothless cat would look? ] awwww… poor toofless prudence.

this is, by far, the best email i’ve ever received. i’m pretty sure that it’s going to change my life. i’m sure it can help you too. i don’t know why i received it. it came to my junk mail address. the email address i use when i sign up for things. no personal mail ever comes to this address. Here is the emai:
Dear Jodi,
My name is Burton, and I am contacting all of the California Astrology
Association’s clients with an important message. A recent development has
come to our attention that we wish all of our clients to know about.
Please, Jodi, read this note from one of our friends:
__________
A few weeks ago, I was in Las Vegas, [[which automatically alerts me to the fact that whatever he is about to say is true. because he heard it in VEGAS. only good things come from vegas. good and shiny things.]] visiting a friend and his new girlfriend. She’s a massage therapist, with a strong background in the metaphysical healing arts. She noticed that I was wearing a ring on my middle finger (the finger next to my pointer finger). She pointed out that it’s bad to wear a ring on that finger–apparently it disrupts the energy flows in the body. [[ok, i have been wearing my dead father’s wedding ring from his first marriage, to my mother, on the middle finger of my left hand for about 20 years. so i’m starting to get worried now.]] I thanked her, and immediately moved the ring to my pointer finger.[[commonly referred to as the Index Finger, by grown-ups.]]
Within just a couple of weeks, quite a few things have happened: I’m
buying a new home that I love (I have been looking for the right place for
almost a year), I got a tremendous bonus from my employer and a hefty
raise, and my business is growing. And today my loan broker called to tell
me that she got me a loan at 1/2% less than I had anticipated.
Everything seems to be falling into place!
___________
Jodi, my friend is absolutely correct. Wearing a ring on the middle
finger–of either hand–does indeed disrupt the proper energy flow and can
impact various elements of your life. In fact, it may lead to fatigue, a
sense of doubt, depression, or a general malaise. Simply removing a ring
from your middle finger may make a huge difference in your life, just as it
did for our friend who wrote to me.
I encourage all of my clients to take any rings off their middle fingers
immediately!
Blessings,
Burton
Holy cow!! this explains everything!! it’s not my fault. i can change everything by moving my rings to my index finger. which i did immediately! now, my dear internet friends, i am compelled to instruct you to do the same. but jodi, you might say, this seems like utter and complete crap! perhaps. but is it worth the risk of doubt, depression and bad luck? i think not. nonetheless, i realize such startling metaphysical breakthroughs, such as this, can be alarming, and it’s a big step to take. so i, jodi, will share my findings with you, my dear internet friends, now that i have moved my rings from my middle finger to my index finger. i expect great things are in store for me. luck, faith, riches. maybe even weight loss! who knows? i’ll keep you apprised of every new development.