I have a confession to make. I’ve avoided talking about it because, oh I don’t know, SHAME. And the hope that it would all just magically go away. I’ve gained a lot of weight in the past year. Summer of 2008 I was the skinniest I had been since Jr. High. But by summer of 2009 I had gained a great deal of the weight I had lost on the diet I started 3.5 years ago.

I never believed I would gain it back. I thought, not me, if I start to gain even a little weight, I will nip that right in the bud. Well, I not only nipped it, but I ate the entire bud. So to speak. I can break my weight gain down into three phases.

Phase One: Wil’s schedule changed in summer of ’08, to a 2pm to 10 pm schedule. On the one hand, I was THRILLED I did not have to figure out what to make for dinner each night. Sometimes I would make something that would leave us with leftovers that Wil could take to work the next day. However, this meant we were both eating a lot more crap. A lot of snacky and fast food. His schedule went back normal in the fall, but the damage had already begun. I had lost interest in preparing healthy dinners.

Phase Two: I discovered French Toast flavored bagels at the Safeway. I ate them ALL THE TIME. They smelled just like french toast or pancakes. But the taste was much more subtle cinnamon/ maple. They are delicious. Before Wil’s schedule changed back, I would sometimes eat nothing else but these bagels all day. During phase two, I attempted to go on Weight Watchers. That was in November. But I decided I would like to start making Christmas cookies instead. Of course, then I would eat them and have to make more.

Phase Three: In reality, all phases are affected by the return of my depression. I do believe that was the biggest culprit into my weight gain. Some need to fill the emptiness I felt with bagels, cookies and tiny cherry pies. It never works. So I started a new antidepressant and INSTANTLY gained 20 lbs. I kid you not. BAMF! Weight gain. I went on Weight Watchers again and lost 1.4 over five weeks. I gave up. I went off the pills to try without their side effects, but the physical symptoms were too bothersome. I could psych myself out of the mental, but the physical ones were taking their toll. Additionally, Wil and I were eating these delicious Angus Beef Hot Dogs all summer. We ate them regularly for lunch, sometimes for dinner when it was hot. We’d stick them in the toaster over and cook them until they were crispy. Man, they are so good. And big, you had to use a hoagie roll because they were too big for hot dog buns. It wasn’t until recently I looked at the fat content. TWENTY FREAKIN’ GRAMS OF FAT! And we ate them like candy. 

And there you have it. I put off saying anything about it. I am back on Weight Watchers. I wanted to have a bit of success before I blogged about it. The first week I lost 1.2lbs, which was disappointing as the first week is usually your biggest weight loss. The 2nd week I lost another 1.2lbs. But this last weigh-in was a loss of 2.4lbs. Weight Watchers yelled at me for losing more than 2 lbs a week. That felt nice since I know I ate over my points that week. (early birthday dinner.)

I had to bring it up because it is part of addressing that physical spoke on the Wellness Wheel. And because being overweight has a ripple effect across your entire life. So it’s bound to show up again, in future blog posts.

Meh.