Some people have asked me how one would go about punching a beaver in the face. First and foremost, I want to remind you it was not my idea to do so, but Stephen Colbert’s. However, I can think of 3 ways right off the top of my head.

First, find a beaver and then do one of the following:

1. Point and yell “Hey look! Free wood!” and when he’s looking away, sucker punch him. Run away.
2. Take him out for a beer, when you are both drunk, become belligerent and start insulting his woman. He’ll probably start the punching for you.
3. Sneak up on the beaver, from behind and pick him up by the scruff of his neck. Raise him up to your eye level and watch his short little legs wave uselessly in the air. Start punching. It would help if you have long arms. I do not, so I’d probably choose #1 or #2.

There you go.