Saturday night I went to Barnes and Noble, to see if I could lower the available balance on my B&N gift card. It was burning a hole in my pocket. Which was embarrassing. It was about 8:30 or 9, dark and pouring down rain. I parked in a section that had five parking spots in a row. On the left end spot, there was a car that was parked on the white line, on it’s right. So, dangerously close to being in the the second spot. On the far right end, there was a big fuck off SUV, parked in 1.5 parking spots. Leaving an approximate 2.5 remaining parking spots. To make things easier, I parked next to the car on the left, with just enough room to open doors. It probably put me over the white line, but since there was 1.5 parking spaces left, I figured the last car would be fine. I pulled, straightened out, and parked. I was in the store for about an hour and a half. When I came out, there was a piece of paper on my windshield. I went to remove it, but it just fell sort of … mooshed when I touched it. It had been raining the entire time, and the note had melted. I could barely read the writing. It said, “You are rude. Learn to park.” In suspiciously female handwriting.

This threw me into a state of extreme confusion. I looked at my car. The car to my left was still there, the fuck off SUV was still there, and another car was using the 1.5 parking spots I left. My car was not parked crooked. I was not parked too close to anyone’s door. What the hell did I do? You have to be pretty annoyed to go through the trouble of writing a note to leave on someone’s windshield. You’d think that they’d give it to the fuck off SUV. Or at the very least, the car on the left end of the row. But why leave it on my car?

I thought about it for awhile. Then I thought, “maybe I was rude somewhere else? maybe inside the store?” Let’s see, I went inside, browsed until I had a small armful of books, sat down in big chair and read, got up, returned books I didn’t want, got in line and paid for my books. Nope. Nothing rude. So, I scraped off the paper pulp from my windshield and said, “You want rude? Show your stupid note writing face and I’ll give you some rude, you silly bitch.” And left.

But I have to say, it bothered me for the rest of the evening. Until I started reading a piece in Time Magazine about the Science of Happiness. And I realized, the Confused Note Writing Bitch was not a happy person. And I doubt leaving that note made her any happier. And while it may have upset my lovely book buying high I had, when i walked out the store, I was comforted by the fact that I am not a Note Writing Coward like she. When I confront someone for being rude, I do it to their face. Did I ever tell you guys about the cell phone store? I don’t think I did. That’s one of my better confrontations of rudeness. Maybe tomorrow.

Dr. Stevil kicks ass! He bought me this book.

The complete guide to the amazon princess. I guess he could just tell that it should be mine.

From bookslut I have learned that The Morning News has launched The First Annual TMN Tournament of Books. Complete with bracketed breakdowns. It would be fun to read along, but since I am one girl, and they are many judges, I might have to wait until they narrow down the competition. Below is the list of books they are reading, grouped according to the first rounds. You can download a pdf of the bracket chart here. Also, this post on the bookslut blog, made me laugh out loud…. books for babies sounds like a fair trade to me.

The Plot Against America Philip Roth

The Bad Boy’s Wife Karen Shepard

The News From Paraguay Lily Tuck

The Inner Circle TC Boyle

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell Susanna Clarke

The Rope Eater Ben Jones

Heir to the Glimmering World Cynthia Ozick

Human Capital Stephen Amidon

Cloud Atlas David Mitchell

The Finishing School Muriel Spark

An Unfinished Season Ward Just

The Dew Breaker Edwidge Danticat

I Am Charlotte Simmons Tom Wolfe

Wake Up, Sir Jonathan Ames

Birds Without Wings Louis De Bernieres

Harbor Lorraine Adams

I do want to read I Am Charlotte Simmons. Someday. But the next book I want to read is Glimpses of the Devil : A Psychiatrist’s Personal Accounts of Possession, Exorcism, and Redemption. Come on… how am I supposed to resist that. It’s psychology AND satan. It would make a great book for Satan’s Bookclub. [which I am working on, btw. I just haven’t been happy with any design I’ve come up with.]

Last night, Louise and I went to a book signing for Christopher Moore’s new book.

(Louise’s boyfriend and his brother were there too, actually.) I was really excited about this signing, because I wanted to have a few books signed. At the very least, my copy of Lamb, which is one of my favorite all time books. So much so, that I bought a first edition hardback copy of it. He did read something, but it was not from the book. In fact, it’s up on his blog, a political piece. And he talked about carbs, Hawaii, the atkins diet, about a plan to bomb 52% of states like Oklahoma from commercial airlines with extra luggage space down below, christmas amnesty [explained in the book], California schadenfreude [also explained in the book] and gave away a t-shirt. Which I did not win. Mores the pity. So to speak.

When you bought a Chris Moore book, if you bought one, you got a numbered ticket that would dictate your place in line. I was six people head of Louise. I instinctively followed the procedure, as I am wont to do, until I find a flaw in it. So for a good 10 or 15 minutes, I stood six people ahead of Louise, listening to the woman behind me. She was demonstrating how very very much she knew Mr. Moore because she emailed him two years ago. I could tell that the women she was talking with could not have been there with her, because had they been friends, they would have to be used to this know it all attitude she displayed, and ignored her. These women were receptive. Goody. She even scoffed at the rapid response she received from him, indicating that he might not have “a life,” unlike herself. A very important woman. That was the only scoffing she did, tho. However, she emailed him with a book idea!! The rest of the time, she gave expert witness testimony. Did she think he’d tone done the political piece before reading it at a signing in Arizona? “you know, I think he will.” It was obvious their one email correspondence made them best friends. She was annoying. I was annoyed. And that’s when I said to myself, “hey… speaking of being annoyed, why am I not hanging out with Louise? what’s the fun of rolling my eyes at this woman if there’s no one around to enjoy it?” So I moved back with her before I was forced to turn around and tell that lady to shut up.

Louise and I had made jokes about whether or not another author would fall under the spell of her lovely accent. And sure enough, what happened… Christopher Moore was powerless against her Darling Accent. Just wanted to listen to her talk. I begged him to stop, because her Darling Accent Ego simply did not need any more fuel. But I’m sure he could not help it. You just can’t. I did say that if he insisted on listening to her talk, I could give him a list of topics that would set her off. Louise said that she now knows that she is destined to become an Author Reading/Signing groupie. For she is so beloved by them. Only the men, it seems. I do not remember Janet Evanovich being all that impressed with her. Also, it will only work in America. As I told her, “you had to leave your homeland in order to be special.” [“to get the attention I so richly deserved!” is her response.]

So, we will continue to go to book events, male authors will be entranced by her accent, she’ll tell charming anecdotes about haggis with words like “minging” in them , and I will make fun of her, in order to mask my pain. Because I don’t have a delightful accent! Even if I moved to Europe or something, people still would not find it delightful! It’s terribly sad, isn’t it?

Two thumbs way up for Christopher Moore appearances! He’s veddy veddy funny. Hoaching with talent, and all that. [today’s title comes from the new book.]

Well, the booklist page is pretty much rebuilt. The only thing missing is the audio book section. But all the books I’ve read since November 03 are listed there. Give or take. I’m sure a few (many) slip through the cracks. Additionally, I have just finished entering in all the books that are on, or around my bookshelf in Delicious Library. Total is 370. It seems like it should be more. I blame my love of the Library.

Oh.. you guys you guys you guys! The most wonderful thing came out today. Delicious Monster’s Delicious Library!! And it is delicious! I boxed up some of my books and put them in the garage this weekend. Only a few of them. Before I did that, I wrote down the titles and ISBN numbers. Because I am that much of a bookie. Anyway, I just entered in all the books, indicated their location in the info, and even created special bookshelves to show what was in box A and box B. Don’t think I won’t be adding a special shelf just for Satan’s bookclub books. It has a borrower / checkout feature. So I can keep track of which books I loan to Louise.
If I had an iSight, I could scan the barcodes directly. If I had one. I wonder why I don’t have one. I should. Don’t you think? I could have a jodicam.
Oh, by the way, it syncs up to my iPod, so I can carry my library around with me. sigh. It’s so beeyoo-ti-ful.

I’ve been trying to think up tag lines for Satan’s bookclub. That one above is my favorite so far, but I’m not satisfied with it. We’ll see if something better comes to mind. It should be easier for me to work on it once I move. However, it’s also the beginning of NaNoWriMo. And I am not sure when i will have internet access at the house. I haven’t arranged for it yet. Did mention that in a previous post? It feels familiar…. oh well. The point is, I may not have that much time, in November, to work on it. Louise and I still have a photo shoot we need to do, and then some photoshopping. That’s the most time consuming part. I think I will make Louise do the photoshopping.
I’ll be up all night finishing the packing. That is just how I am. I don’t move fast until there is danger. Movers showing up at 8 am, who are paid by the hour, is danger. The danger has to be imminent. Really really imminent. It’s ok, I’m a night person. And once everything is moved, which shouldn’t take that long, I can take a nap. I looooove napping. So don’t think of this as waiting to the last minute LIKE AN IDIOT. Think of this as a way to set up a required napping situation. God, I am brilliant!
I was listening to Dracula, while packing my desk… Bram Stoker sure did like to use his words, didn’t he. The story does drag a bit, in places. By far, my favorite narrating character is Dr. Seward. I feel very sorry for him, for having his proposal turned down. But, in the end, I guess it didn’t matter… Lucy’s fate was a short one. I am sort of anxious to finish it up, as I have received a notice from the library telling me that “Wizard and Glass” is ready for me to pick up. It’s the 4th book in the Gunslinger series. I think.. yeah, the 4th. Anyway, both the 4th and the 5th books are ready for me to pick up. And I’ve been waiting a long time for them. I can’t believe I didn’t just go out and buy the books and read ’em.
Okay, that is enough procrastinating, I am going to go pack up the bathroom.

Right now, I am listening to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, in the car. I think that is why I keep finding errands to run. Since I am not working, I am not commuting.. not as much story time. The male narrator sounds just like Wesley from Buffy/Angel, and I like him very much. In my mind it’s Wesley telling me the story of Dracula. Scruffy tough Wesley with the shivs hidden up his sleeves, not awkward, geeky Wesley. Oh either one, it doesn’t matter. The female narrator is ok, when she’s reading women, but when she had to do the voice of the old man, sitting with Lucy and Mina in the graveyard, over looking the harbor and complaining about the lies people put on gravestones… it was PAINFUL. Reminiscent of Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. It doesn’t help that this is a particularly slow part of the book, in my opinion. I was thrilled when we moved back to the Doctor and Renfileld. When I last left them in the car, Renfield had just eaten up all of his pet swallows and was barfing up feathers. Now that’s a story!!

Don’t be. Louise and I are working on it. We have a rough idea of a design. It’s just that I will not be able to work on that until after the move, and I’ll probably be off-line for more than a few days. It’s going to be great, you’ll see. I’m sure designing the site will be a great way to procrastinate on my nanowrimo novel… the plot of which I have not even discovered yet.
oy.