Hi!
Where have I been, anyway? I guess I needed a bit of a break from the computer, during the first week of my sabbatical. I did a lot of reading, as well. But now I am doing some serious packing. Which probably means I’ll be around a bit more… as blogs are an excellent source of procrastination. Like.. right now for instance.
So far, sabbatical has been good. I had to work last sunday for about 7 hours, to finish some stuff up, but other than that, I’ve totally forgotten where I work. Tuesday was my birthday, and EvilDeb took half the day off and we went to the spa. The whole thing was a surprise, other than the fact I knew we were going to do something. We had facials and lunch and massages and manicures and pedicures. And she paid for the whole thing. I don’t even want to know how much that cost. I think I have an idea, but I am trying to bury that knowledge way down, so I am not overcome with guilt. Instead, let us focus on how fabulous my nails look. They were all about one length and pretty long to begin with, so it was a good time for a manicure. I picked a bright, in your face, fuck off red… this is a vamp red… a vegas weekend red. With just a hint of blue, so as not to be too orange. The color is O.P.I The Thrill of Brazil and it’s a cream polish, with a high shine top coat. I cannot tell you how bitchin’ my nails look. I keep pointing things out to strangers, and tapping my chin in thought. I bought the nail polish so I could do touch ups. Anyway, my birthday rocked because I spent it being pampered and I really really enjoy being pampered.
Ok, I need to go get some more boxes. In intrigued to find out how many boxes it takes to pack up all my books. I’m guessing 10. That’s my estimate. We’ll see.
*since the title today comes from an indie film, I thought I’d show support by posting the link to the official site. Burning Annie. Whoo-hooo! Support indie films!!

Next week, October 10-13, EvilDeb will be at the Graph Expo and Converting Expo, in Chicago. What has to be the most poorly named expo ever. Some people I work with get to go to the IfraExpo in Amsterdam. Doesn’t that sound cool? “I’m going to Ifra.” But not EvilDeb. Oh well, it is in Chicago. That’s pretty cool.
My point is, if you are in Chicago, at the same time, and want to go to an expo about converting things, see if you can spot EvilDeb!! Of course, I am not going to tell you what booth she will be at, I want you to find her based on her evil aura. It shouldn’t be hard.
You know, this is EvilD’s first trade show. I think I should encourage her to attend more, so that I can have a list of “EvilDeb Live Appearances” up here.

When I told Evildeb that I posted the biting story, she asked me if I also posted the teddy bear story.
Me: What’s the teddy bear story?
Evildeb: I don’t know… apparently I did something with someone’s teddy bear.
Me: Like what?
Evildeb: I don’t know… I don’t remember.
Me: you don’t remember.
Evildeb: I guess I was drunk.
Me: That’s a great story, Deb.
Evildeb: Yeah.
Maybe someday we’ll learn the story, find out what horrible and/or odd thing Evildeb did with someone’s teddy bear. I can hardly wait.
I’ve recently become addicted to Popcap’s online game Insaniquarium. So much so, that when I go to sleep at night, I see the negative impression of fish food dropping into the aquarium, on the back of my eye lids. So I came to work and showed the game to Anastasia. So I wouldn’t feel so bad, if I slipped and played it at work. Because now she’s addicted as well. You have to feed the fish so they will grow bigger and poop coins to so you can buy more fish and better food and better guns, in order to protect your fish from the occasional invading alien, AND buy the three pieces of egg that advance you to the next level. It’s thrilling!!

Evildeb once bit a man so hard, she drew blood, because he wouldn’t give in and say “ouch.”
I kid you not.

Career counseling with EvilDeb. This is part of a chat, during which we said the same thing at the same time, which prompted me to call her Justin Timberlake. It’s a stupid inside joke. Whenever she gets to be Justin Timberlake, I end up being Joey Fatone. Because that is the only other N’sync guy we know by name. So, once again, we were discussing n’sync.
Deb: no. I heard him sing solo in a movie (maybe the Greek one) and he sucked.
Jodi: wow. you’d think the singing part would be one of the main requirements for being in a vocal group.
Jodi : i’d say “band” but that would imply that they wrote and played music.
Deb: No, it was The Cooler. He played a Las Vegas lounge singer in the casino and he couldn’t sing a lick.
Deb: But he was in a boy band and now he’s on broadway or something in a musical.
Deb: I’m not sure why I’m not more successful. there’s lots of things I dont’ do well that I could do.
Jodi: me too. i do so very many things in a very mediocre manner.
Deb: I really should be a professional bowler. I’ve never been good at that. I also can’t dance so I suppose I would be a very successful choreographer if I put my mind to it.
Jodi: i can’t cook at all! why don’t i have a cooking show on the food channel yet?
Deb: maybe you do.
Jodi: wow!!
Jodi: where’s my big fat tv paycheck, then?
I am going to be playing some poker tomorrow, at lunch. Texas hold ’em. I’ve never played this game, but I’ve seen it on tv. Good enough, right? Turns out, I have a poker game on my mac, iPoker, and it features Hold ’em. It was bad and naughty of me to turn the game on at work, because I cannot turn it off. This is the best flavor of poker I’ve ever played! Not that I’ve played all that much poker. Mostly, I’ve played against machines. I’ll let you know how I do, after the game tomorrow.

I’ve entered a patch of deep ennui. It sucks. I’m bored with everything. And I’m not someone who usually gets bored. There’s always something to do or read. Or nap through. But this last week, everything has bored me. It’s not the boredom of depression. It’s a completely uninspired, apathetic boredom. A real ho-hum boredom. I hate it. It’s a waste of time. It’s a waste of a perfectly good brain that should be full of ideas. It would be ok, except it really bothers me at work. When I can’t make myself do anything I need to do. Because it’s so dreadfully dull.
It would seem to be a week of extreme moods. For me, it’s ennui. For Evildeb, it’s anger. She’s not here today. She took the day off due to extreme anger. She is very very upset with the WB for canceling Angel. Coming to work provokes the anger, which usually manifests in a need to poke someone’s eye out. Or fight with Dr. Stevil. Or me. I guess she’s fine at home. I suspect that this rage has it’s roots in something other than the WB’s fall line up. Possibly, maybe?
Now Fee, she is sad. And that makes me sad. I don’t like it when she is sad. She’s one of my favorite people of all time. I’m going to have to come up with a way to cheer her up. In the meantime, maybe some kittiepie would help.

KITTIE PIE!!!

I told Evildeb that I would be performing a lot of penance for buying an iPod. A girl in my financial situation should not be buying luxury items. [even if they are an necessity like an iPod] I said many “whippings” shall occur.
Evildeb: oh really? who’s going to be doing the whipping?
Me: uh… it’ll be self-flagellation.
Evildeb: well… go easy on yourself.
Me: I always do!
Evildeb: YOU SEE!! that’s the trouble with you. you are too easy on yourself. We could bring in a third party.
Me: You know… I was talking about figurative whippings. [an example of what I was thinking of would be, say.. i don’t get to go blond again, as I was planning.]
Evildeb: mutter mutter mutter dominatrix mutter mutter .. here you go, [pointing to the website on her screen] a whole directory listing the local domanatrixes. I’m not going to open it here, tho. [indicating the workplace]
She’s so supportive. Other friends might come up with half hearted attempts to explain to me why it was necessary for me to have an iPod. Not Evildeb. Only two things concerned her, the fact that she doesn’t yet have one, and finding someone to spank me. Pretty much everything in the world is seen as something she has or does not have. Nothing drives her more crazy than people having what she doesn’t have. I think she was probably in favor of having me whipped, because I dared to have something she does not have. In her eyes, I deserve a good spanking.

EvilDeb and I went to see “Walking Tall” on Friday. We’d been looking forward to it for a long time, as we are now Big Fans of the Rock. We enjoyed it very much. As naturally we would. Lots of guns, and punching and hitting things with a big stick. Gratuitous Tackle Football- fu. In the opening scenes, The Rock gets off a ferry boat, somewhere that is supposed to be my part of the country. It’s actually Canada. My part of the continent. He’s just walking, almost strutting, through his town, with his duffle bag, to the Allman Band’s “Midnight Rider.” And EvilDeb turns to me and says, “if the film consisted of nothing but this, I’d still love it.” I had to agree. Just walking him walk was almost soft core porn, and he was fully dressed. I am currently experiencing very impure thoughts about the Rock. And we enjoyed it for other reasons. Johnny Knoxville was very funny and scruffy, displayed an evil delight when he got to tear apart a bad guy’s monster truck. And the bad guy was blond, beautiful, and you wanted to punch him the face. At times, we felt it difficult not to yell encouragement to the Rock, during fight scenes. Or to shout “HA!” in triumph, when one of the greasy bad guys found out what the Rock was cooking. The whole thing was set to very satisfying Rock and Roll, baby. YEAH!! It was, we decided, Cathartic Violence, and it felt good. And it’s ok, we don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying it. Because there has to be some issue, emotion, or complex to purge, in the first place, for it to be a release. Right? Nothing is “real.” It’s not like… Passion of the Christ, which I have not yet seen. And I am not sure when I will, although I know I will eventually. Because that is not Cathartic Violence. I know it’s going to be disturbing and upsetting. Like i need that! sheesh.
I am not sure when I became so blood thirsty, when I started enjoying action films so much. I figure, it was around the time I went from being afraid of my older brother, to knowing that if I ever felt threatened again, I would be the one who kicked ass. I lived under the threat of being beat up far more than it actually happened. But it counts. I don’t think you can walk around on egg shells, trying to avoid that behavior that you know will set it off, for an entire childhood, and not leave angry. And when all that anger started coming out, against my orders, in my twenties, I had to deal with it. Which probably made me mad all over again. But, now I am left with a love of Cathartically Violent movies, a zero tolerance policy for his bull shit, and absolute knowledge that no one will ever put me in that place again.
I guess I won, in the end, huh?

Yesterday, I spelled out my new theory regarding weddings and marriages to EvilDeb. I came up with a plan, to help thwart the Right Wing conservatives, who are so desperately trying to preserve the sanctity of marriage.
Now, I am 36, female, straight. Statistically speaking, I am way past the median age for my first marriage. Only 14.7% of women, in my age bracket, have never been married. In 1990, the average age of remarriage for divorced women, was 30.6. What does this all mean? What it means is, I should be well into my 2nd marriage by now. In fact, I am rapidly gaining of the average age for my 2nd divorce. I never used my first marriage, my first wedding. It’s gone. Poof. What’s more, I have no intention of getting married. I’d rather live in sin.
And so, I am going to donate MY first marriage, MY first wedding, to a gay couple. They will receive MY legal rights to have that first marriage recognized by the government. It was my right, I didn’t use it, I want someone to be able to benefit from that. Either way, it’s just as sacramental, is it not? Either that blessed holy union is used by a gay couple, or it’s lost and gone forever. I don’t think God likes it when you ignore his Blessed Gifts®. Right? I’m pretty sure that he would appreciate the frugality of my plan, not letting any Blessed Gifts® go to waste. Waste not, want not!
Of course, EvilDeb had a problem with my plan. Instead of seeing the genius, she only saw what she was not getting out of the deal. She thought she should be able to donate her 2nd marriage. I told her no. You are not eligible for the right of Second Marriage, until you dissolve the First. By giving away my First, I automatically move into position of eligibility for Second Marriage. EvilDeb has not moved into that position, as she is still entrenched in First Marriage. That pissed her off. I told her it wasn’t a punishment, she should be proud. I wouldn’t exactly brag about it, tho. But she would not be satisfied until I explained, under my new rules, she would be eligible for a prize upon her 25th anniversary. I don’t know, a big tax break or something. A new toaster? Trip to Las Vegas?
There you have it. I think I just have to call up my congressman and have him write up a lonely old bill, and let him sit on Capital Hill. Or, I shall just decree it so, and it shall be so. And gw bush can kiss my cat owning SWF ass!!
BRILLIANT!!