It appears to be a game. In which bears cause you to rub your crotch. Your guess is as good as mine.
Author Archives: Jodi
The Big 5
This month I will celebrate my fifth anniversary of blogging. I’ve decided to blog every day this month in celebration. Some people blog every day, I’ve never felt like I had to. But I’ve lost some blog skills in the last few months. So I’m bringing back Then and Nows on Sundays and 50 Word Fiction on Fridays. This month I am going to renew my commitment to my blog. Yay!
Now I’m going to save this and post it on the 2nd, because I’ve already posted today and I don’t want to shoot my wad so early on in the game, right?
Frak Me
I’ve started watching Season One of the new Battlestar Galactica. Wil’s already seen them and has wanted to own them for a while. I have heard really good things about the show, so I was able to look past the fact it was a remake of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA for pete’s sake. Besides, BSG has the single most impressive, useful, and addictive fake swear word: frak. More useful than even “goram” I’m afraid. It’s so cool, even Veronica Mars started using it in Season Three. And if it’s cool enough for Veronica Mars, it’s cool enough for me*.
So, I noticed the cargo hold on the one ship, the one that the President lives on, the name escapes me, looks suspiciously like the lowest car deck of a BC ferry, of the “Spirit of Whatever” type. And by “suspiciously like” I mean “exactly.” And while “Boomer” and Helo were wandering around the bombed out Caprca City, I noticed a lot of things that looked very familiar. Such as the building that looked an awful lot like the Downtown Vancouver Library. And by “an awful lot like” I mean it was the Vancouver Library.
All this leads me to one conclusion. I am living on Cylon Occupied Caprica!!! AAAACk! Trust no one! They look like humans now! Run!!!
*you suck, the CW. Frak you.
What passes for entertainment in my day
I just sent the following IM to Wil at work:
1:10 » momo is attacking the front door
1:10 » i’m doing the dishes and hear this thump and then momo runs past, towards the bedroom, and then i see her run back and i hear this thump and she attacks the front door.
1:10 » and then she just looks at me. with these eyes.
1:10 » eyes that say “what? it had it coming!”
Rock Star Tip #1: The first in probably very few.
I couldn’t live less like a Rock Star if I tried. Oh, sure, I have a natural tendency to trash things, to leave messes, by my very nature. But it isn’t intentional. And it makes no statement against THE MAN or THE ESTABLISHMENT. I eat every color of m’n’m, although I do like to separate them out and eat each color in turn. I do the same with skittles. I’ve never had alcohol poisoning, or thrown up anywhere exciting. I’m a home body. I like books and computer games and movies. So, I wouldn’t say this will be a regular feature, I didn’t even create a category in Movable Type. But, sometimes, when you discover a helpful tip, you just have to share it.
How To Trash A Hotel Room Like A Rock Star And Fill Your Tummy With Sugary Goodness At The Same Time:
Acquire two dozen cupcakes. Have friends and family come to your hotel room. Serve said cupcakes with no plates or napkins. Seriously, crumbs EVERYWHERE. In the bed, on the floor, in the carpet, in my makeup bag, on the bathroom counter.
Fun cupcake gravitational fact: When you drop a cupcake, it will always land frosting side down.
Getting married is somewhat exhausting
We had some furniture delivered yesterday. I told the guy, on the phone, that my husband was on his way down to help. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Not because Wil would not be much help, obviously. Because it was weird. In fact, the guy left the table and chairs at the front door of our building with him and took off, Wil brought them up himself.
I tipped him 20 bucks and some smooches.
Forgive the quality, but it’s a still from a video. One of the many weird faces I made during the ceremony.
My opinion is, getting married becomes a lot more fun once the ceremony is over. We had a lot of fun. Took everyone out to dinner and I had delicious bellinis. We opened presents. It was all good.
When my cousin is done with the photographs, he will put up a flash site, and I’ll probably link to it, so you can see it all photoshopped. The way life should be.
I’m the bride, but I still had to clean the litter box today.
It would appear that many of you were moved by the lack of cake in my life. I should add, I chose not to have a wedding cake. We are going out to dinner after the ceremony, it’s not a traditional reception. Plus, I always hated that feed the cake to each other thing. Nonetheless, it was a shocking lack of cake.
My friend Fee was so moved, in fact, she has arranged to have 2 dozen cupcakes delivered to my hotel this afternoon. How much does she rule? SO MUCH! So DON’T WORRY ANYONE! I will be having cupcakes. I think 24 cupcakes oughta just about do me.
It’s not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there’s icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.
The other day I left a comment, on a blog, in which I referred to Wil as my fiancé. Such a highfalutin word. I don’t use it often, but the differentiation between boyfriend and someone you are going to marry soon was relevant to the blog entry, I felt. Besides, I only have a few more days to use it. Then I will have to refer to him as My Husband. As in “When driving to the mall, my husband likes to point out the hookers on street corners to me.”*
Or I could just call him Wil.
So, I think I am more stressed than I expected to be, considering how simple and small the ceremony is. I haven’t been sleeping well, and while the things my mind is worrying about seem to be about immigration stuff, there is a new feeling of stress in my tummy I can only attribute to the fact that soon I am going to have to get dressed up and get married in front of people. It’s getting married itself. I think it’s just that being a bride is nerve racking.
I’ve been watching some bridal shows on the television lately. (My favorite is Wedding SOS on Slice, a Canadian cable channel that is so full of crap shows it’s slogan is “My vice is Slice..” It’s delightful. I took a quiz, on Slice, to find out what type of wedding I should have. See below.**) It would appear that being a bride gives me license for just about any kind of behavior. Serious. If you are a bride, you can freak out, make demands, tell people what to do, tell people what to wear, drink to excess, scream, cry, punch… anything. And it’s all ok because YOU ARE THE BRIDE. As a groom, Wil has a lesser power. It may work on other people, but it won’t work against THE BRIDE. She trumps everything. Only one person would dare challenge THE BRIDE. And that is the the less sympathetic character of mother-in-law. But that’s not an issue for me.
So, I should make some demands. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and the only thing I can think of: I don’t have enough cake in my life. There won’t be a wedding cake. And since I am a bride, I should be eating cake. Therefore, my demand is – cupcakes. I want some freakin’ cupcakes and I want them NOW! Where are my MOTHER FUCKING CUPCAKES?? WHY DON’T I HAVE ANY CUPCAKES???
How’s that?
*It’s true. I always miss the hookers unless Wil points them out. The route to the mall passes a few popular corners.
**Viva Las Vegas! Eloping ain?t so bad and it might be an option for you. If you’re not into big parties, being the centre of attention, or planning and organizing things, eloping might be a blessing for you. Just remember to tell people that you’re planning on going to Vegas , maybe they’d like to come along and put money on how long you and hubby’ll last.
EDITED TO ADD ANOTHER DEMAND: As THE BRIDE, I would like my new Harry Potter book NOW, rather than Saturday. I think that’s doable, yes?
Yippee Ki-yay, Harry Potter!
I think the Harry Potter/ Air Conditioning plan would have worked a little bit better had they remembered to keep the a/c on in the goram theatre! I went out before the movie and told them it was freakin’ hot in there. They turned it on and it started to get better, but halfway through it started to get hot again. However, I was unable to leave to tell them to turn it on again because I was sucked into the magical land of Hogwarts.
The movie was good. Obviously, lots of stuff, from the book, has to be left out. But it wasn’t too bad. We went to see it in an IMAX theatre. Part of it, the “exciting finale” was in 3-D. When the green glasses flashed on the screen, you could hear a collective “OooooOOooo!” as we all put on these giant glasses. Wil was right, it made us all look like Elton John. Wil is not a HP fan, he went to see it for me. But I think he thought it was ok. It was no Die Hard, but then few things are. Except for, you know., Die Hard.
After the movie, I realized I really did need to re-read “The Half Blood Prince” before “Deathly Hallows” comes out. Normally, I would have read “Order the Phoenix” before going to the movie, but all my books are down in the states. So I went to Chapters and bought a paperback of HBP.
When I walked up to the counter, everyone was engaged in deep discussion and it took a minute before anyone realized I was standing there. The clerk explained to me that they were preparing for the release of Deathly Hallows on the 21st. I told her I understood completely, I was doing the same thing. They asked me if I had pre-ordered and I said I had (although didn’t mention it was on Amazon.com) and then I had to explain to them the incredible dilemmas I had faced while doing so. You see, the US has one cover version, and Canada/UK has another. All my books are US hardback books. Frankly, I prefer the US covers by far. But that isn’t even the important part, the important part is, all my books must match.
So, what to do? Order the US version and have it shipped to my mom’s house you say? Well, that is all well and good but the book comes out on the 21st. And my mom happens to be returning home to the states FROM Canada on the 21st. Who knows when she’ll be back. Drive over to the border and buy one in Bellingham? Can’t. And we’ll talk about why I can’t later. Order a US version and have it shipped to Canada? But that might take more time, everyone would have their books and be reading it, and I’d be WAITING!!
After much discussion with concerned friends and loved ones, it was decided I would buy a copy from Amazon.ca, and my mom would buy me a copy at Costco for 189%, or whatever, off, and bring it to me when she came up next. I would then donate my UK/Canadian version to the library. I took the opportunity to order the copy with the ADULT cover. The UK/Canadian releases have covers that are supposed to appeal to the Adult reader. And I am an ADULT.
The clerks wanted to know if I was going to be there at the big release party next Friday to pick up my pre-ordered book (that I did not pre-order from them) and I told that I could not, as I was getting married that day. Ooohh… isn’t that wonderful! Was I going to have a Harry Potter theme wedding? Ha! Even I draw the line at that. Besides, even though he’s not a HP fan, Wil seems positive that he’s Slytherin. And there is no way I’m going to be caught marrying a Slytherin. In public.
I’m so tired of feeling sticky.
Too. Hot. Must… reach… air conditioning…
So, to remedy that, we are going to an IMAX showing of the Harry Potter movie this afternoon. HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER! Oh man, do I love the Harry Potter. I’m actually more excited about the Harry Potter than I am the air conditioning. Which is saying something, considering how much I love a/c.
And to think, next week I get a new Harry Potter book, as well! I wish it came with air conditioning.