Author Archives: Jodi

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There’s so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.

It was a bad day at work. Bad, sad and a whole bunch of other morose adjectives. So I like to unwind by taking inane online quizes. Here is one, both The Man and I took this quiz and got the same result.

HASH(0x8c5ae14)

Your element is Electricity. Everyone loves having
you around because you’re simply so much fun,
you’re always the life of any party. You’re
very active and probably have trouble sitting
still for very long. You love being the center
of attention, becoming famous could be one of
your top goals in life. Your greatest fault is
that you hate to lose and will do anything to
avoid it, even using cheap tricks or straight
out cheating at times.

~Your Inner Element~ ((7 Results. Pictures have been added for each.))
brought to you by Quizilla

The thing is, I can sit still. I really can. Well, maybe I fidget a bit. It depends on what you mean by sitting still. I can remain in one location, for example – while reading, for hours at a time. But I probably fidget around a bit while doing so. Also, I will cheat like nobody’s business.

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Uncategorized

A box of tampons and some Marlboro lights.

I’m working from home today, as you can see, because I have a cold, but a long long list of things I am behind on. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet and heating vent right by where my feet rest, under the desk.

Last night, I was thinking about Christmas. How hectic it can be. How easily people lose their tempers and become intolerant to the fact that they exist in a world full of other people. It happens to me too. Especially in parking garages. But, I’m try to be patient and keep a sense of humor. Because the alternative is a lot of energy used in negative ways.

So, in an attempt to keep, and spread, the holiday spirit, I will post some of my favorite non-traditional Holiday songs, over the next few weeks, for everyone to enjoy. Today I give you “Merry Christmas From the Family” by Jill Sobule, one of your more realistic xmas songs.

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shopping, work

Can you keep a secret? I’m trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?

It’s a pretty busy week. I’m not sure what that means, blogwise. I’m predicting quiet. But often, it means I write more than ever. Especially since of the “action items” on my list aren’t all that entertaining.

I went to the mall on Saturday with my cousin. It could have been much much worse. I introduced her to the joy that is the $4 valet parking. Worth. Every. Penny. We returned wedding presents at Macy’s, during which time I picked out six or seven different types of fine china. I have to say, I don’t spend a whole lot of time looking at fine china. I can’t even remember the last time I looked at any. But fine china design seems to have improved greatly in the last few years. I counted several options that featured neither flora, nor fauna. Or squirrelly curly-Q’s and patterns. Who knew.

After a lovely lunch featuring pasta and salad, we headed over to the new Container Store that just opened up. And that’s when I lost my head. And ran into my mom, for that matter. I really really love products that help you get organized. I always think, not unlike cleaning products, that this is the purchase that is finally going to do it for me. Finally, I will have all my paperwork, receipts, pay stubs, tax returns, birthday certificates, etc. filed away neatly. I’ll be able to find anything at a moments notice. A place for everything and everything in it’s place. And, just like all those cleaning products I buy, I’m let down. Turns out, no matter what bright shiny thing I buy, I still have to do the actual organizing. Nonetheless, I love these kinds of stores. The Container Store is no different than Storables, which is just down the street. With one major exception. The Gift Wrap Wonderland!

I love me some wrapping paper, christmas paper best of all. Escaping to the back storeroom to wrap customer presents was the only thing I liked to do, when I worked at Hallmark. The examples on the website do not do the Gift Wrap Wonderland justice. My first theme of papers and ribbons were all jewel tones and gold. And then I switched to something more contemporary and witty. And I was ready to switch themes again, but Kirsten would not let me. It’s just that there were sooooo many lovely papers and ribbons! I could barely stand all the wrapping paper stimuli! As we looked around the store, it went a bit like this.

*Looking at media shelving*

“I want to change my theme.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

*looking at shoe storage and sock organizers*

“I want to change my theme!”

“No”

*looking at desk chairs*

“I want to change my theme.”

“No.”

*looking at stay fresh food storage systems*

“I want to change my theme.”

“Fine! Go change your theme!”

“No… I guess I’ll just stick with this.”

“sigh”

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thenandnow

Then and Now: Episode 16 Three Times the Charm

Today’s Then and Now, which is another 3fer, comes from my desire to listen to a Beatles song, this morning, sung by someone else. As per usual, when it comes to the Beatles. However, this actually one of the songs done by the band, themselves, I like. I’ve heard musicy people say that their strength was in their song writing, not their musicianship. Maybe this is why I like Beatles covers?
Across the Universe – The Beatles

When I was researching which Beatle album this song came from, etc., I found that a lot of people have redone this song. David Bowie, Built to Spill, and this version, which I included for fun.
Across the Universe – Rufus Wainright

But this is the version I woke up with in my head. I can see the video in my head. It’s the version I like best, and the one I always want to hear. And, like Officer Barbrady says “Well, you ain’t Fiona Apple, and if you ain’t Fiona Apple, I don’t give a rat’s ass.”
Across the Universe – Fiona Apple

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 35

Hi! This week’s sin theme is Lust. I’m opening a pandora’s box with this one. Remember, ya’ll, my mommy reads this blog sometimes.

By the way, I did not get enough snow, last night, to necessitate working from home. Sad.

Toy Lust

She stroked the smooth surface, a look of lust on her face.

“Ma’am, if you don’t stop licking the PowerBooks, we are going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

Licking her lips, she moved away. He didn’t say anything about the Apple Cinema Displays.

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JodiCam

If the snow on the roof is too heavy, you see, the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.

As you might have guessed, I did not complete NaNoWriMo this year. That made me sad. The first two years I participated, I completed it. And it felt great! But whatever it is that I need, in order to finish, I didn’t have this time. That’s why I was so delighted when Lara made this:

A NaNoWriMo losing badge! Now those of us who couldn’t quite make it across the finish line and stick it to the running dude with his pencil! Right in the guts! Don’t get me wrong, I love the NaNo, I donated money and bought t-shirts, same as every year. And I’ll be back next year, raring to go. It really can be the most fun.

Also, it should be noted that Lara has started a new site called FreeWiFiCafes which you should all check out. She has a really good excuse for being a loser. A NaNo loser! Not a general overall loser. Which she’s not. She climbs mountains for pete’s sake. Big ones. In Africa and shit.

Also, I’d like to give a shout out to Christine, for finishing her novel. Way to go, xtine! You rule! Whoop! Whoop!

And finally, let it be known that it is SNOWING at my house! Hooray! It became more and more difficult not to watch the traffic cams, as the snow started to fall this afternoon. It was not sticking in Seattle, where I work. But it’s sticking at my house. I might be working from home tomorrow. In my jammies. If so, you can all watch me do it on my webcam! Oh my god, how exciting would that be? So exciting. I look like this, while I work. A lot. Over and over. All day.

Jodicam

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JodiCam

For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.

After I gave them $100, the DOL gave me a temporary version of my drivers license with the most hideous picture of me ever. It’s bad. She turned the monitor towards me and said, “You ok with that?”

“Yeah, whatever”

“Are you sure?”

But I’d had it with that place. And now, for several years to come I stuck with a demon picture on my dr’s license. I have four chins, deep dark circles around my suddenly beady little eyes, I’m not smiling, I’m smirking. I look mean, like I want to cause you pain. Also, I kinda look like could shoot red laser beams with my eyeballs. Which is just cool.

I’m not exaggerating, I showed it to Evildeb and from 10 feet away, a nanosecond after I whipped it out she said “Whoa! That is a horrible picture! You look like you’ve been awake for a week.” But I’ve decided to embrace it. We always try to get the best picture we can. But why? Who cares? In fact, I think I am going to go out and get a passport now. See how much damage I can do with that.

Speaking of unflattering portraits…. I am playing around with a webcam page. It’s not terribly flattering of me. The lightening is bad, I look green, every flaw in my skin is accentuated, including the dark circles around my eyes. And, most of the time you only see the top half of my face, because I am slouching. And yet… I did it anyway! There are some kinks to work out. It’s only online when I am at my desk, at home. Right now, if you were to be looking, you’d see a freshly washed Jodi, with wet hair, looking very tired. Very tired indeed. And a little greenish.

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tshirts

In today’s episode of “What’s on Jodi’s t-shirt?”

I knew I was going to be the butt of some jokes, when I returned back to work today, so I dressed accordingly. I wanted everyone to know my status. So I wore this shirt.

Legal

Yes, it’s backwards. That’s because I took the picture with my iSight camera this morning. Go to nerdyshirts.com to see a better picture. I find this shirt hilarious, which should show you what a dork I am. I also wore my tiny handcuff necklace. It seemed appropriate.

Everyone had fun exploiting my criminal behavior and now it’s all over. We can move on to other things. Surely someone else will do something that warrants our mockery soon.

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Uncategorized

Live Blogging from the DOL

Well, when we last left me, I was cuffed and in the back of the state patrolman’s car. Right now, I am sitting in the DOL. For the second time today. They are calling numbers in the 90’s, soon to be 100’s, and in the 500’s. I am 373. I don’t know where I fit in. Oh, wait, they just called 359. There is hope. Ok, back to the story.

So, the officer searched my car and searched my bag, and called a tow truck to impound my car. No, he did not give me the option of calling anyone to pick me and the car up. He left me in the back seat. The back seat is actually hard plastic. I guess so they can hose it down after hauling the bleeding or vomiting. Or leakers of other bodily fluids. Too bad I didn’t barf. I was getting more annoyed simply because it was taking so long, and he was been a bit excessive, in my opinion. Because of him, I was going to have to call my mom and ask her to bail me out of jail. She wasn’t going to like that, it was going to upset her. This man was upsetting my mother! On thanksgiving no less.

I’d say about 25 to 30 minutes into the wait for the tow truck, he decided that he would not take me into the station and book me. He said he was going to take me to a gas station, and I could wait inside for someone to pick me up. Good news, especially since he was sparing my mommy the pain of my incarceration. But, he still didn’t uncuff me. He didn’t do that until we let me out in front of the gas station. 45 minutes after he first cuffed me.

I have to wonder if he was trying to scare me straight. Do you think so? Most people, in similar situations report they were not cuffed. My cousin was given a ride home by the cop! Not everyone has their car impounded either. Maybe he was angry because he had to work on Thanksgiving? I don’t know. He was pleasant enough, considering. He suggested to me that I would be more comfortable if I turned sideways, in the back seat.

On Friday, Mr. and Mrs Moon helped me get my car out of the impound lot. $197. But the courthouse was closed. On Monday, Mrs. Moon came up here and took me to the courthouse. $279. But then we found out the DOL was closed on Mondays. This morning, I decide to take the law into my own hands, and I drove down here when they first opened at 8:30. Only to be told that I had another ticket unpaid. One for overdue tabs. That happened during my incredible weeks of suck, in the later half of July. Not surprised I forgot that one. So I drove back to the courthouse I visited yesterday, wondering why they didn’t tell me about this yesterday. Only to find out it had to be sent to collections and I had to go there to pay it off and get the paperwork. $371. At the collections office, she told me I do not need to go back to the courthouse. She better not have lied to me. Because here I sit, in the DOL, waiting my turn while one and only one man handles numbers in the 300’s.

And there you go, another day of work missed, it’s already afternoon as I write this. Bothersome and annoying, but nothing more than blog fodder. I drove the speed limit all day and you know that’s gotta hurt. There was no way I was going to make someone else cart me around today. I’m trying to take care of this. I’ve had enough of their shananigans. Sure, I was wrong, but now I am trying to do the right thing.

I’m going to go to the Apple store after this. Buy myself a new Mighty Mouse or something. My optical mouse at home is dying. It’s driving me nuts. A bunch of people in the 300’s have given up. We are now at 365.

And now, thanks to Lloyd’s suggestion, I am going to leave you with an audio treat. Enjoy Was Not Was with “Hello Dad? I’m in Jail”

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