50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fictions Friday Vol. 12

Since this week was the official beginning of summer, I thought that should probably be the our theme this week. Summer.

Summer of 1978

It’s too hot to move, too hot to breath. We can’t go swimming, we’re banned from the pool. The popsicle man’s already been by, we don’t have a/c, there’s only one way to stay cool. We’re going to have to go watch “Grease” again.

Summer of 1984

Arms wrapped around her legs, cheek resting on her knees, she sits on the grassy ledge, under the olive tree, and watches her little brother run up and down the sidewalk. Closing her eyes, she wonders where the button is. The button you push to get your real life started.

Summer of 1986

In a few hours, when the sun comes up, she is leaving this place forever. Leaving her home, her family, all of her friends and even her dog – she is taking the cat with her. So why was she in a darkened supply closet, kissing him? For the first time.

Summer of 1991

“So, you are leaving work early, to drive through the night, to get to San Francisco by 6am?”

“Right.”

“And you are spending Sunday driving back?”

“Yup.”

“And you are doing this why? It’s a boy, isn’t it?”

“It’s not a boy!”

It was definitely a boy.

Summer of 1995

She cocked her head to the side, watching him speak, the words so much nonsense now. Excuses for the lies and betrayal, her fault for not living up to his ideal. Why did she ever think he was worth it? There’s a good chance he’s insane. Good riddance.

Summer of 2000

In a backroom, somewhere in Berkeley, she sat on a stool. It only hurt for a second, just like they said it would. The sharp pain that made her eyes water. Then it was over. Except his rubber clad finger which was still up her nose, inserting her new stud.

Summer of 2004

She wore next to nothing, she couldn’t stand to in this heat. Upper 90’s outside, it was in the 100’s in her easy bake apartment. She raised the bottle of water over her head and poured. Steam rose from her skin. It was time to move.

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Uncategorized

Hey… you guys…

I’m bored. Yes, I have work to do, but I can’t do it because I am too bored. The boredom has shut down my brains.

Please send me things to entertain me! You are my brain’s only hope!

I ran into the monkee at the elevators. I was getting off, he was getting on. My little hands curled into tiny fists, without me even thinking about it. TINY FISTS OF DOOM!! Beware the TINY FISTS OF DOOM! Tessa’s fists do not contain such fury, but her soccer playing feet do. She has KICKING FEET OF FURY.

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Amelia, shopping

Amelia and shopping for gay socks

Amelia: What are you doing?

Me: I am chatting … with all my many online boyfriends.

Amelia: Really? How many online boyfriends do you have?

Me: oh, about 7. or maybe 9.

Amelia: Uh-huh. And how many of these online boyfriends know they are your online boyfriends?

Me: oh, all of them. They adore me.

Amelia: Jodi… how many of these online boyfriends are real?

Me: uhh…. real?

Amelia: Yes, as in they exist outside of your imagination. You are chatting with Deb, aren’t you?

Me: Shut up!

Amelia: About case notes, you are chatting with Deb about case notes.

Me: You ruin everything!

Amelia: You know you have issues, don’t you?

Me: duh. I’m talking to a poster!

Amelia: Exhibit A for the prosecution.

Tonight Dr. Stevil has plans to go sock shopping with his friend. They are attending a brunch at the house of a friend who has recently redone his floors. Everyone has to take their shoes off. So they are going shopping for killer socks.

Me: That is so gay!

Dr. S: I know! Isn’t it great?

Me: Only gay men and girls would… no, you know what? Even women would not go shopping for special socks in this situation. They would think about their socks, make sure they are clean, don’t have holes and match what they are wearing. But they wouldn’t go shopping for special socks.

Dr. S: What about when you went to Vegas? For the Las Vegas Pajama Party. You shopped for special pajamas.

Me: That’s different. That’s an entire outfit. These are socks.

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tshirts

My friends went to Utah and all I got was this fabulous t-shirt.

It’s time for another episode of our fashion segment “What’s on Jodi’s t-shirt today?”

Lapdance2K

Bonus points if you know the meaning behind the shirt and are not Überbrain. [sorry übers, it’s too easy for you.]

Did you ever have one of those days where you were walking through the office and you sudden began to fear that you did not put on pants today? So you look down, and sure enough, there are pants and you are wearing them. So you continue to walk on, to your destination, but again, you have to check to make sure you are really wearing those pants. Yes, they are there, you can touch them. But, dammit, if those pants are lighter than air!

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music

Happy Father’s Day!

I have to tell you about the Father’s Day card I got my stepdad. It was too perfect. It starts out:

In my heart, I always appreciated everything you did for me.

And goes on to say:

And, in my heart, I always cleaned my room.

And, in my heart, I always took out the trash.

The inside doesn’t matter, it was the front of the card that made him laugh. It made my grandma laugh. It made my mom laugh. In fact, maybe everybody laughed a little too much? Hmmmm….

Here is a song for Father’s Day!

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Uncategorized

So I’ve had a few cocktails. Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I’ve already been there.

Just got back from dinner at PF Chang’s with the family. Had myself a little cocktail while I was there. Just a wee little White Russian. Must have been good vodka, because I didn’t even notice it until about 10 minutes after the drink was gone. I thought it was rather weak, actually. Not so, grasshopper!! And let you tell me something, kids, after I had that cocktail, I decided to buy everyone’s dinner in honor of father’s day. Jeez’m rice, there goes a $100+ bucks. Good thing I came home with a grocery bag sized bag of leftovers. Does that make sense? grocery bag sized bag… Good thing I came home with a bag of groceries the size of leftovers… noooo… Good thing I came home with a whole heapin’ mess of leftovers! There we go.

I needed that cocktail. So did other people at dinner. We both needed cocktails and we were the better off for it.

Mongobeef

Jack, as promised… a picture of mongolian beef. Unfortunately, I had eaten a great deal of it by the time I remembered. I blame the booze. But the plate in the upper right hand corner is it. See how I had pushed the green stuff aside to get to the meat? The rest of you… never you mind why I am taking pictures of beef for Jack. That’s between me and Jack.

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work

Why didn’t you come out and play with me? I waited for you and you never came out!

So here I am, working from home. I don’t do this a lot, because I am too easily distracted. I mean, a few feet away is my bedroom, and in there is my comfy squooshy bed. Sometimes, I just like to run and jump on it. But sometimes, I don’t get back up right away. The temptation is strong. That is one of many reasons why I work at work, and ummm….. home at home.

I was going to post a picture of me working from home with my iSight, but I did not look good. I looked tired and pasty. I wonder why? Oh yeah, I know why, because I only slept three hours. Was I playing the sims? Nooooo. Was I cleaning my house? Noooooo. I was just doing that thing I do, where I start out to do something like, say, clean the bathroom, and I end up trying on all my summer clothes to see how the fit, instead. Not that I did that last night, but that is a good example of what it is I do, when I do that thing.

Then, all of the sudden, it was midnight, and I decided to go to Walgreens. I had a prescription to pick up. Plus, that is just the best time to go to Walgreens and look around. There were so many things I could have purchased. They had little American flags, and inspired by a debate I had with Thomas, yesterday, I thought I might create an object d’art and call it “America – My Country: You Do Know That None of The Other Countries Are Inviting You to Their Birthday Parties, Don’t You?” But I couldn’t find any astroturf, which was essential to my design. But they had Milk Duds. [purchased] and Peach Snapple Ice Tea [purchased]. So… good enough.

Short story long, I was up for a while, didn’t sleep until after two, but woke up at 5. Hence…. lack of sleep. I wasn’t able to pry myself out of bed right away. And now, I am punchy. Literally. I want to punch someone, but with love.

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 11

Hello and welcome to 50 Word Fiction Friday. For those who don’t know, here is how we play the game. Write a story that is 50 words, no more, no less, and leave it in a comment. And that’s it. Oh, and this week’s theme is housework. Something to do with cleaning. Because we all know how challenged I am by the mere thought of it.

Also, in case you didn’t know, there is an archive page of the past weeks 50 word fictions, if you’d like to reminisce. Enjoy!

Where is the fairy tale?



“You were supposed to bring me breakfast, sweep the hearth, hang the clothes out to dry, iron my ball gown…”

“Mmmm… I’m sorry… what?”

“You are just sitting here. Reading!! You make a lousy Cinderella.”

“Can we just skip to the part where someone brings me a glass slipper?”

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Uncategorized

No sims for the wicked.

Can’t play sims until I finish picking up the house. Bummer. Gotta do some dishes. and finish cleaning the bathroom and get my crap out of the family room and vacuum. Not going to worry about the office or my bedroom. Besides, in accordance with the custody agreement contained within their divorce papers, my mom is getting my Grandma on Saturday night. Stepdad gets her tonight, mom gets her tomorrow. Perhaps odd for someone to want shared custody of their ex mother-in-law, but she’s pretty sweet. You wouldn’t want to give that up.

I, of course, maintain custody of everyone at all times. They all still belong to me.

You know what? I don’t think I have anything else to say… I got nothing. Odd. Let me think… 50 word fictions is to tomorrow. It needs to contain some aspect of housework in it. Just a heads up.

Yeah, that’s about it. Since the house will be clean, I wish I could invite you all over to play board games and eat snacks! Or possibly poker. Anyone want to come over and play poker with me?

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