Monthly Archives: June 2005

work

I can see all obstacles in my way

Frequently commentor, and 50 word fiction author, DrinkJack left his home today – setting off on a two week long road trip around various parts of the western US. He’s going to be here in Seattle on the 4th and 5th and I have taken time off to go out and play with him. We are going to head into some mountains and trample foliage and throw rocks a the wildlife. No… I’m kidding. We’ll “take only pictures” and “leave only footprints.” Unless the wildlife pisses me off. Then they are getting a stone upside the furry little head. Little muther fuc… no, come on… I love animals. Seriously. They are great. Smooch! I kiss them.

We had a BBQ here at work today. I don’t know why, exactly. We just do stuff like that on occasion. I had steak! They had steak! Louise was here, but not officially back at work. She’s back officially on Tuesday. But she came in for lunch. I have missed her! There are things that can only be discussed with people who know how annoying other people can be, without ever even meeting them. You know? We all have our gifts.

I feel like I should post some kind of current event or something. Rustle up some political commentary after the president’s speech. But I just don’t have it in me. What’s on my mind instead? Uhhh… Tessa called me a jerk at the BBQ and I think she’s being difficult. Especially when I have no idea what jerky thing I was doing. Now she is shunning me. It’s ok, tho. Because I have a meeting in a bit. It will be easy to shun me then, as I will be away from my desk. Also, you remember that song by Chumbawumba? “I Get Knocked Down.” I heard it on the radio and it made me laugh, because when I first heard the song I thought he was saying “I get no tongue, but I get over it…” I thought it was about a man who gets no lovin’. I like it better that way.

Thank you, Thomas, for explaining the onsie-twosie concept to us. Generally I think of onsie twosie in terms of commercial printing. A onsie twosie being a small job with few copies. River, the onsie twosie dance was something I made up. It’s not square, it’s not polka, it’s not swing… and it’s not even remotely graceful. But when I do it, I look goooooood.

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evildeb

I guess Amelia didn’t catch this one.

overheard*: “... and then you can onsie – twosie to your heart’s content.”

Evildeb: I rather like the idea of onsie – twosieying to my heart’s content

Jodi: Depends… what does it mean?

Evildeb: I have no idea.

Jodi: *experiments with a onsie – twosie dance*

Evildeb: is that what it means?

Jodi: No, I was just trying it out. I think I will onsie – twosie myself on out the door to run errands.

Evildeb: Are you going to buy some onsies?

Jodi: Hey… maybe it’s Potty Functions.

Evildeb: in which case everyone should be able to onsie – twosie to their hearts content. Hopefully.

Jodi: I kinda need to onsie right now.

Evildeb: Great… thanks for sharing.

As I was writing this, the monkee started talking babytalk on the phone, and I felt a level of horror that had previously not been felt since I was five years old and my dad took me on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. And then, I bomitted.

*for those who don’t know, if it appears in quotes and italics at the top of the post, it’s usually the monkee we are overhearing.

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music

Don’t blame me, blame it on the bossa nova

The other day, I was trying to find a copy of "Sympathy for the Devil" I am sure I own it somewhere. I have an mp3… I have to. But I couldn’t find one on my hard drive, so I went to Apple Music Store. The only versions of "Sympathy for the Devil" done by the Rolling Stones, available on iTunes, is live. I didn’t want live. But I found something even better.



Bossa N’ Stones. It’s Stones music done to a bossa nova beat, with female singers. So delightful and bubbly it was, Tessa and I knew we had to have it. She said, "I have five dollars in my pocket." and I said, "I’m downloading it now." How we lived without it, I do not know.

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music

What does warm colitas smell like, anyway?

I finally managed to hook up with my good friends The Moons yesterday. They’ve been MIA for several months. Well, missing in MY action. They’ve had plenty of their own action. They’ve moved back down to Tacoma. Bad for me. But Mr. Moon is still working in Seattle. Mrs. Moon is now on bed rest, due to her second pregnancy. Bed rest is difficult at best when you are a stay at home mom of a 20 month old kid. Despite the fact that the second soon to be born Moon is a girl, they are still not considering Jodi as a name. What is up with that? It’s a great name!

So I was thinking about the song “Hotel California” by the Eagles this morning. Remember that one line in which Don Henly says “So I called up the Captain, ‘Please bring me my wine,’ He said we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969.” Do you think by “spirit” he was referring to the wine itself? As in Wine and Spirits? Because I always thought he was commenting that they have not had that kind of spunk, that kind of party spirit, until Don got there. Not since 1969. Thirty odd years and I’ve always thought this. This morning it occurred to me that I could be wrong. Of course, later they mention pink champagne on ice, so maybe I was right all along, and the Captain was just stoked to have Don’s drinking spirit amongst the guests.

I don’t know… I was just thinking… what do you guys think?

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pru

Still sweetie if you want to know how to peck a dwarf on the cheek as he’s walking out of the house to the disco in your dress , then I’m your girl.

Pru sleeps around. She rotates her favorite sleeping spot every week or two. Sometimes its with me, then it will be on the purple chair, then maybe it’s on the bed again, only this time only at the foot of the bed, or maybe it’s on my bed again but she has to actually sleep ON me. Then she’s off again to god only knows where for a week or so. No matter where she sleeps, however, she always ends up on the bed, usually on me, in the morning, while she waits for me to get up.

Last night, she decided it was time to sleep with me again. This morning I found her resting on me, in such a manner, that her fluffy tail would swish back and forth, ever so lightly, on my cheek. That’s how I woke up. I told her it was not even 6 am but she just looked at me with that “What? Oh, I’m a cat, I can’t tell time, all I know is the sun is up and that means morning. And morning means breakfast! But if it’s too early, you go back to sleep. Unless, that is, now that you are awake you realize you have to get up to go the bathroom anyway.” look.

You can try to roll over to knock her off, but she’ll just climb back on and stretch out on your face or something. Very subtle.

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Uncategorized

Saturday Morning funnies

stepdad: ok, I’ve got my bad headlight out.

me: oh yeah?

stepdad: yeah, now I have to go buy the right one, because it turns out I bought the wrong one earlier.

me: what did you do, buy the left one? Bwhahahhhaaahaha!!!

stepdad: *raises single eyebrow at me*

me: *continuing with overly jocular laughter* whooo! oh man…

stepdad: yeah. ok. Well, see you later!

me: Ok, but I can’t promise I’ll be this funny later

stepdad: *walking away* yeah… right.

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fictions Friday Vol. 12

Since this week was the official beginning of summer, I thought that should probably be the our theme this week. Summer.

Summer of 1978

It’s too hot to move, too hot to breath. We can’t go swimming, we’re banned from the pool. The popsicle man’s already been by, we don’t have a/c, there’s only one way to stay cool. We’re going to have to go watch “Grease” again.

Summer of 1984

Arms wrapped around her legs, cheek resting on her knees, she sits on the grassy ledge, under the olive tree, and watches her little brother run up and down the sidewalk. Closing her eyes, she wonders where the button is. The button you push to get your real life started.

Summer of 1986

In a few hours, when the sun comes up, she is leaving this place forever. Leaving her home, her family, all of her friends and even her dog – she is taking the cat with her. So why was she in a darkened supply closet, kissing him? For the first time.

Summer of 1991

“So, you are leaving work early, to drive through the night, to get to San Francisco by 6am?”

“Right.”

“And you are spending Sunday driving back?”

“Yup.”

“And you are doing this why? It’s a boy, isn’t it?”

“It’s not a boy!”

It was definitely a boy.

Summer of 1995

She cocked her head to the side, watching him speak, the words so much nonsense now. Excuses for the lies and betrayal, her fault for not living up to his ideal. Why did she ever think he was worth it? There’s a good chance he’s insane. Good riddance.

Summer of 2000

In a backroom, somewhere in Berkeley, she sat on a stool. It only hurt for a second, just like they said it would. The sharp pain that made her eyes water. Then it was over. Except his rubber clad finger which was still up her nose, inserting her new stud.

Summer of 2004

She wore next to nothing, she couldn’t stand to in this heat. Upper 90’s outside, it was in the 100’s in her easy bake apartment. She raised the bottle of water over her head and poured. Steam rose from her skin. It was time to move.

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Uncategorized

Hey… you guys…

I’m bored. Yes, I have work to do, but I can’t do it because I am too bored. The boredom has shut down my brains.

Please send me things to entertain me! You are my brain’s only hope!

I ran into the monkee at the elevators. I was getting off, he was getting on. My little hands curled into tiny fists, without me even thinking about it. TINY FISTS OF DOOM!! Beware the TINY FISTS OF DOOM! Tessa’s fists do not contain such fury, but her soccer playing feet do. She has KICKING FEET OF FURY.

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Amelia, shopping

Amelia and shopping for gay socks

Amelia: What are you doing?

Me: I am chatting … with all my many online boyfriends.

Amelia: Really? How many online boyfriends do you have?

Me: oh, about 7. or maybe 9.

Amelia: Uh-huh. And how many of these online boyfriends know they are your online boyfriends?

Me: oh, all of them. They adore me.

Amelia: Jodi… how many of these online boyfriends are real?

Me: uhh…. real?

Amelia: Yes, as in they exist outside of your imagination. You are chatting with Deb, aren’t you?

Me: Shut up!

Amelia: About case notes, you are chatting with Deb about case notes.

Me: You ruin everything!

Amelia: You know you have issues, don’t you?

Me: duh. I’m talking to a poster!

Amelia: Exhibit A for the prosecution.

Tonight Dr. Stevil has plans to go sock shopping with his friend. They are attending a brunch at the house of a friend who has recently redone his floors. Everyone has to take their shoes off. So they are going shopping for killer socks.

Me: That is so gay!

Dr. S: I know! Isn’t it great?

Me: Only gay men and girls would… no, you know what? Even women would not go shopping for special socks in this situation. They would think about their socks, make sure they are clean, don’t have holes and match what they are wearing. But they wouldn’t go shopping for special socks.

Dr. S: What about when you went to Vegas? For the Las Vegas Pajama Party. You shopped for special pajamas.

Me: That’s different. That’s an entire outfit. These are socks.

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tshirts

My friends went to Utah and all I got was this fabulous t-shirt.

It’s time for another episode of our fashion segment “What’s on Jodi’s t-shirt today?”

Lapdance2K

Bonus points if you know the meaning behind the shirt and are not Überbrain. [sorry übers, it’s too easy for you.]

Did you ever have one of those days where you were walking through the office and you sudden began to fear that you did not put on pants today? So you look down, and sure enough, there are pants and you are wearing them. So you continue to walk on, to your destination, but again, you have to check to make sure you are really wearing those pants. Yes, they are there, you can touch them. But, dammit, if those pants are lighter than air!

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