books, Canada, Immigration, movies and tv, Wedding, William

It’s not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there’s icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.

The other day I left a comment, on a blog, in which I referred to Wil as my fiancé. Such a highfalutin word. I don’t use it often, but the differentiation between boyfriend and someone you are going to marry soon was relevant to the blog entry, I felt. Besides, I only have a few more days to use it. Then I will have to refer to him as My Husband. As in “When driving to the mall, my husband likes to point out the hookers on street corners to me.”*

Or I could just call him Wil.

So, I think I am more stressed than I expected to be, considering how simple and small the ceremony is. I haven’t been sleeping well, and while the things my mind is worrying about seem to be about immigration stuff, there is a new feeling of stress in my tummy I can only attribute to the fact that soon I am going to have to get dressed up and get married in front of people. It’s getting married itself. I think it’s just that being a bride is nerve racking.

I’ve been watching some bridal shows on the television lately. (My favorite is Wedding SOS on Slice, a Canadian cable channel that is so full of crap shows it’s slogan is “My vice is Slice..” It’s delightful. I took a quiz, on Slice, to find out what type of wedding I should have. See below.**) It would appear that being a bride gives me license for just about any kind of behavior. Serious. If you are a bride, you can freak out, make demands, tell people what to do, tell people what to wear, drink to excess, scream, cry, punch… anything. And it’s all ok because YOU ARE THE BRIDE. As a groom, Wil has a lesser power. It may work on other people, but it won’t work against THE BRIDE. She trumps everything. Only one person would dare challenge THE BRIDE. And that is the the less sympathetic character of mother-in-law. But that’s not an issue for me.

So, I should make some demands. I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and the only thing I can think of: I don’t have enough cake in my life. There won’t be a wedding cake. And since I am a bride, I should be eating cake. Therefore, my demand is – cupcakes. I want some freakin’ cupcakes and I want them NOW! Where are my MOTHER FUCKING CUPCAKES?? WHY DON’T I HAVE ANY CUPCAKES???

How’s that?

*It’s true. I always miss the hookers unless Wil points them out. The route to the mall passes a few popular corners.

**Viva Las Vegas! Eloping ain?t so bad and it might be an option for you. If you’re not into big parties, being the centre of attention, or planning and organizing things, eloping might be a blessing for you. Just remember to tell people that you’re planning on going to Vegas , maybe they’d like to come along and put money on how long you and hubby’ll last.

EDITED TO ADD ANOTHER DEMAND: As THE BRIDE, I would like my new Harry Potter book NOW, rather than Saturday. I think that’s doable, yes?


5 thoughts on “It’s not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there’s icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.

  1. I know how you feel about the wedding. Just before mine, two years ago, I was an absolute nutcase. I can’t believe Stoker still married me. Actually we were both grouchy as hell. I couldn’t sleep and I was really stressed that I’d fall down the stairs I had to walk down in my dress. I’m not a dress sort of girl, so it was a tough thing for me.
    You shouldn’t rush the Harry Potter book. Once you’ve read the last book, the magic ends. Right? Right?

  2. arifa says:

    no cake at your wedding?!?!? that’s not right! okay… i think that may have to be what i get you for your wedding present. it just wouldn’t be a wedding without cake.

  3. Josh says:

    I could mail you some vegan cupcakes, don’t tempt me cuz I’ll do it.
    As for Harry Potter, I decided that if I’m going to be a creepy adult who reads kids books, I’d much rather read the His Dark Materials series by Phillip Pullman. I mean… I’m just saying.

  4. Yay for getting married soon. Don’t worry the day will be over before you know it, and you will survive.
    I’m with you on your demands for cupcakes. You really should have at least one for breakfast the day of. I mean, if you’re going to live up your last day as a single person, it should start with cupcakes!

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