I enjoy searching out new widgets for Dashboard in OS X 10.4: Tiger. I have a tournament poker one, from the maker of iPoker. Currently, as a Libra, my day brims with romantic potential, this year my birthday falls on a wednesday, the closest free wi-fi is 1.0 miles away at the Thai Kitchen on Queen Anne, it’s supposed to be 74 and sunny tomorrow, and La Banane is french for The Banana. But my favorite new widget is one that let’s me look on different web cams. Currently it is set for the San Deigo Zoo Panda Cam. I periodically go into Dashboard and check up on the pandas. They sleep a lot. For some reason, I feel this need to constantly update Evildeb on the status of the pandas. And, to do it in the voice of a toddler. I don’t know how this started. Maybe I was just overwhelmed, at first, by panda cuteness. We’ll be sitting in a meeting, waiting for it to start and I’ll get Deb’s attention, she’ll think I am going to say something intelligent. Or at least funny. And instead I say “Deb… the panda… hims slweeping on hims back and you can see hims tummy! It’s so flwuffy! widdle panda!” This seems to annoy her, so now I can’t stop. Cute widdle panda! I imagine she wishes I would switch to the Vancouver Aquarium Beluga Cam. I do check on the whales periodically.

Today, Louise and I went to Fred Meyer, because my headphones are seriously broken. One of my phones just snapped off. It’s dangling by the wires. They were dying anyway. Now I officially need new ones. So we were wondering around the electronics section, and we weren’t being quiet at all. It’s not like we were being sneaky. Louise said something funny, and I laughed out loud. I scared the clerk over in the next aisle. He jumped. My laugh made him flinch. It’s not a bad laugh, it’s just an enthusiastic laugh. As in common in the maternal line of my family. I’m easily amused and I like to laugh, it’s fun. And, apparently, it’s good for you as well. But the fact that he jumped just made me laugh harder. I couldn’t wait to come back to work and tell everyone that the power of my amusement startled the Fred Meyer clerk. Serves him right, the selection of headphones was sad indeed.

Tomorrow I should have stories involving Louise’s horror at finding herself surrounded by children at the Zoo concert tonight. She sees children and the first word that pops into her mind is “sticky.”

Since I post my yahoo and one of my AIM ID’s on my blog, I sometimes get chats from people I do not know. And they are mostly really great, very nice people giving me compliments on my blog and talking blog type things with me. Last week, I had a couple of, what could only be, teenage boys, pestering me with some of the lamest sexy chat I’ve ever received. This went on for several minutes, because I start out too polite, and it take me a while to move from “hey now.. I am not interested in talking with you in this manner” to just blocking them. These kids had 2 or 3 different ID’s, which I eventually blocked. And then I shared their prowess with my friends, because it was so funny. I don’t feel bad about this, because I asked them nicely to leave me alone and they would not. Their vernacular now peppers all chats between Evildeb and I. They have a lot of work to do, if they really want women to talk dirty with them. [to post some of the gems here, would take up entirely too much space.]

But Deb? She is better than me in so many ways. Today, she received a chat, out of the blue, from a complete stranger.

Complete stranger: Hello Deb

Complete stranger: How’z it going?

Complete stranger: you wouldn’t be interested in sharing some secret intimate encounters with a young married guy, would you?

Evildeb: no

Complete stranger: I figured that out.

Complete stranger: Thanks a lot for replying at least

Evildeb: no problem

to me –

Evildeb:it must be my online profile where I say I’m very interested in sharing some secret intimate encounters with a young married guy,

Evildeb: and then a little bit further down I change my mind

Evildeb: I think that’s how he figured it out

Jodi: i think so.

Jodi: or maybe it was the 60 seconds it took you to reply.

I laughed about this exchange for several minutes. Sigh, she’s so tuff!

Did I fail to mention that I won yesterday’s poker game? I think I did. Shame on me. Let’s just take care of that now. I won yesterday’s poker game!!

Today, at work, we had a luau. I don’t know why. Just one of those things. No reason was stated, I guess it was just one of those summer party things. There was volleyball, lots of food, some hula contest, Hawaiian band, drinks in coconuts [plastic] with really high alcohol content., and robo-surfing. And wading pools, and henna tattoos and things for the kids. I don’t drink and drive. At all. So I was not imbibing. But Evildeb doesn’t drive home, Lloyd does the driving. So she was imbibing nicely. As were other people.

At one point, word is, Evildeb threw an inflated ball at the back of Tessa’s head. I did not see this. But I saw retaliation. Tessa thought this was worthy of dumping a bottle of water down Evildeb’s back. I don’t think Evildeb agreed. She was contemplating an ass kicking.

Now, if the two of them went to war, it would be bad. Neither one would give up and both would escalate it to the next level. Knowing this, I happily stood behind Deb’s lawn chair and encouraged her to kick Tessa’s ass. Tessa was standing a few yards away, her back towards us.

Evildeb: i’m going to have to kick her ass.

Me: I think you do, your pride is at stake. I mean, it was just a beach ball! And now you are completely soaked!

Evildeb: well… i don’t know if I am comp…

Me: YOU ARE TOO!! Don’t let her get away with that.

Evildeb: I’m not. Lloyd, go kick her ass!

Lloyd: no way, man.

Evildeb: The Man, go kick her ass!

The Man: No way, not my fight.

Me: he’s afraid of her, you are going to have to do it, Deb.

Evildeb: grrrrr…

Now, in truth, I do not believe it would have been a literal ass kicking. Nor did I really want Tessa to get her ass kicked. That’s why I told her that she had better quit shaking her ass at Deb, that she should just turn around and face her. And keep an eye on her. The two of them were eyeing each other warily, ready to attack, if necessary.

And, with a job well done, I headed home!

Yeah… I’m a little stinker.

Earlier this afternoon, Evildeb sent out an email, alerting us that she had been broken.

Yep, I’m a broken woman.

It started on or around June 8 when I sent an impassioned plea to the …

ok, none of your business.

Then we talked to them about it.

Then we gave some feedback on it.

more nothing you need to know…

So, you can probably understand how it hurts me to see the following …

blah blah blah

If you need me you will find me under a tree in the courtyard weeping.

Deb

Being the concerned friend I am, I sent her a chat:

Jodi is it possible for me to paste you back together? with superglue?

Evildeb: no

Evildeb: well, maybe with the help of all the kings horses and all the kings men

Jodi: could all the kings horses and all the kings men put you

Jodi: oh

Jodi: my

Jodi: god

Evildeb: you scared me

Jodi: you scared me!!

Evildeb: I hate it when that happens

Evildeb: we have c.S.P

Jodi: csp?

Evildeb: Chat Sensory Perception

Jodi: AAAAACKK!

We do this all the time. Type the same thing to each other in chats. Really weird random things, as well. I’m wondering which one of use should be more concerned. Which one of us is in who’s brain? Exactly.

I have fairly small feet, size 6.5. This means I have an extra shoe shopping option – the children’s dept. Yes, I can wear little kid shoes. The sandals I am wearing today, I bought for my trip to NYC two summers ago. Because I knew it would be hot as hell, and I would be walking a lot. When I bought them, AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie was two and she got the exact same pair. Hers were pink and purple, tho. I got the boys navy blue option. They were about $10 cheaper than the adult version would have been. I’ve often purchased converse sneakers from that dept. as well. Nordstroms.

I wore them today wondering – would little kid shoes give me little kid spirit? And if so, is it really my little kid shoes or my harlot red painted toenails? or both? Hard to say. Should have done a control study with just one or the other factor…

Reasons why you have to love Evildeb:

A co-worker of ours quit a couple of months ago, moved up to Vancouver BC with her husband and had a baby girl. She is coming down to visit later this month, and bringing the baby, so we are going to have… yes… wait for it… a party! I swear we have a party for everything. Why, today I got some cake… I am not even entirely sure why. I think it was because someone came back from sabbatical. I happened to be in the right place at the right time. And, to be honest… I had two pieces. But they had fruit! it was really a fruit tart! Anyhoo, back to this party, it’s a good excuse for one, I think. Evildeb decided to have a high tea party. And this is what she said in the email informing our team.

We’re going to have high tea. I know you boys will love it because it will give you an opportunity to exercise your pinky fingers in new ways.

You’ve got to love her. I wonder if we get to play dress up, first.

overheard*: “... and then you can onsie – twosie to your heart’s content.”

Evildeb: I rather like the idea of onsie – twosieying to my heart’s content

Jodi: Depends… what does it mean?

Evildeb: I have no idea.

Jodi: *experiments with a onsie – twosie dance*

Evildeb: is that what it means?

Jodi: No, I was just trying it out. I think I will onsie – twosie myself on out the door to run errands.

Evildeb: Are you going to buy some onsies?

Jodi: Hey… maybe it’s Potty Functions.

Evildeb: in which case everyone should be able to onsie – twosie to their hearts content. Hopefully.

Jodi: I kinda need to onsie right now.

Evildeb: Great… thanks for sharing.

As I was writing this, the monkee started talking babytalk on the phone, and I felt a level of horror that had previously not been felt since I was five years old and my dad took me on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. And then, I bomitted.

*for those who don’t know, if it appears in quotes and italics at the top of the post, it’s usually the monkee we are overhearing.