lick me… i’m a macintosh.

sometimes i enjoy looking back at stuff i’ve done, so i can laugh at myself and tell myself how funny i am. i can’t help. hell yeah, i’m insecure… i need approval. but the approval i like the best? mine!! bwahahaha!! however, i’ve received some very nice comments recently. some of them ANONYMOUS! and i’m so grateful for that. so to the strangers who have said nice things, i say THANKS! and a special thanks to loon, who is not a stranger, but has said many nice things to me lately. so go visit her blog, don’t be shy. leave her comments.
so anyway, cracking myself up, yeah… i’m working on my quarterly goals for Q4. which actually started sept. 1st. but that’s ok, i still have to write them. i hate writing my goals. there is a professional language that is used in these things, and it’s a language i just don’t speak. the only thing more painful than writing my quarterly goals, is providing peer feedback on my coworkers. previously, my comments could have been copied and pasted into the employees focal review, and i used to BLEED with the pain of trying to write constructively and professionally. now, however, the comments are “repurposed” by the manager, and they general reword the comments into something more general. so last year i told my boss that i wasn’t even going to try to write in corporate speak. i was going to write in my own voice. luckily for me, my boss at the time found them amusing, and let me do stuff like that.
i’m making this short story very long, aren’t i? get to the point. the point is, i was trying to find last quarter’s goals, and i came across my peer feedback for 2003, done last spring, so i was reading some of my comments. and you know what? I’M FUNNY!! it’s a shame the peers didn’t get to read my comments as is. all that funny, wasted on only myself and my manager. until now.
excerpts. names have been changed to protect nobody but me. i hope this isn’t like some huge professional mistake or something.
“Well, I already mentioned above that EMPLOYEE communicates insights so that others can benefit, I just didn’t say it as pretty. He’s a pretty agreeable guy, and when asked to assist with SOME PROJECT, he took on that responsibility without complaint. I’ve never given him any feedback for self-improvement in his PROFESSIONAL life. I notice he completely ignores my advice for self-improvement in his personal life, however. But that’s not defensive, is it?”
“EMPLOYEE loves the customers! Since he is so loud on the phone, I’ve had ample opportunity to hear him on the phone with external customers … he maintains a positive, patient and friendly attitude throughout the entire call, no matter how long it is .. even if it messes up his personal or professional schedule. And as mentioned above, the same goes for internal customers.
Re: the loud comment. he can’t help it, he’s just so enthusiastic about helping customers! we tell him he’s loud, and he quiets down for about a minute and a half, but that enthusiasm just comes bubbling up again. it’s ok, we just make fun of him.”
“The last three points on this chart are what makes EMPLOYEE so sparkley. It’s a pleasure to work with him on a project, as he always follows through and owns his part. Plus, he never freaks out. Which leaves room for me to freak out. I appreciate that.
And he is one of the brightest crayons in the box, that’s for sure. ”
“It would be nice if EMPLOYEE could pay just a little bit more attention to me and my problems. Maybe he sits too far away? Maybe I should put a picture of myself on his desk, so he doesn’t forget to focus on my needs. I wouldn’t let this small flaw affect his focal however. ”
“EMPLOYEE works toward having an happy and cohesive team. I think the only one he bickers with is me. but that’s because he loves me soooooo much, he feels comfortable being a huge pain in my … backside. It’s a sibling type thing. I’m not sure he can help it that he is just wrong [and annoying] so much more often than I am. Must be hard for him, I imagine. He’s a brave little soldier. ”
“EMPLOYEE has been a huge influence on me. Oh yes, HUGE. In areas of the arts, literature, cuisine, travel, etc.
I’m kidding, I just seemed to focus on the word “Influencing” part of the title of this section. It struck me as funny. But actually, it’s true. Whenever you see people looking pained when EMPLOYEE, ANOTHER EMPLOYEE and I sit together in a class or meeting, it’s because they have a big influence on me. Sure, it’s to monkey around and get in trouble, but it doesn’t specify what kind of influence, does it? No.”
“However, when he is listening to music on his headphones, he turns the volume way way up. too up. and I am certain he will go deaf. It does not affect others, just thought I’d mention it. And it wouldn’t hurt him to bring ME an egg mcmuffin once in a while.