Today’s title is actually a quote by a real live person. Or, more to the point, a real live person I know. Louise said it to me via email. We were discussing the advantages of worshiping monkey gods, whether that was something we wanted to start doing or not. Why were we discussing that? Because of this book:

Down on Ponce by Fred Willard. Which she plans to loan to me today.
Today we had a state wide earthquake drill. At 9:45 am. I can only assume that the entire state of Washington was under a desk at precisely 9:45 am. I know I was. At 10 I had a meeting, at 11 I came back to my cube, only to find that it has been condemned. It has a yellow Caution tape stretching across it diagonally. And a piece of orange paper taped to the floor in front that reads SIMULATED EARTHQUAKE DAMAGE. This object/area suffers the following simulated damaged from today’s STATEWIDE EARTHQUAKE DRILL. And handwritten below it reads “Cube Implosion.” What this means I do not know. I think I am supposed to be simulating the experience of being trapped under my desk until someone rescues me. As no one seems terribly worried about that, I am using a Curious George doll to simulate me simulating the experience of being trapped under my desk until someone rescues me, as i continue to go about my work day. I don’t know when the tape is to be removed, but if no one removes it, I’m going to just leave it. I’m not the only one… the so called Safety Committee imploded two other cubes in my dept. One of which is as heavily decorated as mine. We feel this is tchotchke prejudice, and are considering legal action. We feel singled out and harassed.