Category Archives: evildeb

evildeb

Do ants have genitalia? Evildeb wants to know…

Mortality has claimed another insect victim. Today I found Daren dead… at the bottom of the habitat. Gus and Tyree are still not getting along, and can stand for several seconds, just staring at each other, waiting for the other one to back down. I think the larger Tyree is very tolerant of the smaller, but pushier, Gus. He could probably eat his head for lunch. Bastian has shown talent as a contortionist and held a pose for over a minute that I was sure would damage his head. Except, it turned out that was his butt.

Rochelle just stands at the top of the gel mountain, waving her antennae at us, merrily. She’s such a sweetheart.

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evildeb

It cures aches, pains, bunions, calluses, galloping consumption and the seven year itch.

You would think that I would be over the cough by now, wouldn’t you? It’s been 3 weeks since I first got sick. And I am still coughing. That seems wrong. Evildeb says I may have the beginning of a sinus infection. And the post nasal drip is what’s making me cough. Lloyd and MoreThanSlightlyEvilJacob get them all the time, so she knows about these things. I’m not one for going to the doctor unless I have to, but it would explain why that cold kicked my ass. And stayed so long. But I feel fine… it’s just the coughing. That’s all there is. It’s probably the Consumption. That’s what I told my mini mart gal, Happy Loud Edgar #14. She said she doubted it and she’d see me tomorrow. I told her not if I die in my sleep. She said she had every faith she would see me tomorrow. Won’t she be sorry she didn’t say a proper goodbye to me, when I am dead.

Yesterday, Tessa and Louise were hanging out in my cubical area, Louise had a mug of tea and was sitting on the exercise ball. She was making fun of Tessa for some thing and so we were all laughing. Almost in slow motion she seemed to tip over, legs and one arm flailing. BAMF! she hit the floor and her head hit the rounded edge of a desk. The thing is, we were already laughing so hard, that that just made us laugh more. Which is mean. But it was so funny. And, she did not spill a single drop of tea! She did end up with a big old bump on her head, not that I’ve touched it, I’m taking her word on it. She’s using that as an excuse for everything, and is pretty sure she’s going to die by morning of massive head trauma. While she is not a hypochondriac, she is a bit of a drama queen. Surely I would die of the Consumption before she would die of her silly Massive Head Injury. Let’s all wish her a speedy recovery from her massive head trauma. We’ll be sad when she’s dead and gone. She should at least hold out until after her birthday in August, because we have concert tickets.

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Amelia, evildeb, work

Amelia keeps a long story short.

Mock-monkee-speak has become so common place in our vernacular, I don’t even notice I am doing it sometimes.

Evildeb: Hey! What s’up, man?

Me: Hey! Not much,. S’up with you, my brother?

Then we ask other people “what s’up” and they wonder why we laugh when they answer.

Me: Hey! What s’up, Amelia?!

Amelia: Do not speak to me in that manner.

Me: Whoa… chill out, my brother.

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evildeb, work

You know, this would be more fun if you were silent.

Yesterday Tessa and M-roo went out to lunch, and invited me along. But they were going to have Thai food, and I wasn’t feeling Thai. I was, again, feeling cheeseburger. Which they agreed, sounded like a good idea for a future lunch. So I scheduled a lunch club, the Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club, first meeting to be at Redmill Burgers. Louise is part of the club, as well. Unfortunately, Evildeb is a vegetarian, although I might tell her about it, it seems wrong for her to belong to the Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club…. if she’s not going to do it. Eat meat, that is. Louise also pointed out a restaurant she’s wanted to try called the Buenos Aires Grill, in Seattle. It would appear that this a restaurant that knows it’s meat. You can get a platter of mixed meats, and they bring a grill to your table. Every review I’ve read keeps pointing out the menus are leather and their are cowhides draped on the walls. The Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club might have to go to dinner. They have tango dancing as well, but as Louise put it, “I don’t care about that, I’m there for the meat.”

Speaking of Evildeb, she is down in Oregon today and tomorrow, on a vendor visit. So I was very surprised to see her signed into her yahoo account this morning, when she should have been on the road. I asked her why she was online, she was supposed to be at the vendors, and she told me she was at BCC. [Bellevue Community College]. She’s been taking some classes there lately. But that’s not where she was supposed to be, so I continued to harass her. She seemed confused. Then The Man walked up and asked where Lloyd was, so we began to wonder if it was actually Lloyd at BCC, taking a class, with Evildeb’s laptop. So we continued to pester her some more, sending line after line of nonsense chat, explaining how The Man had taken her chopsticks from her desk and was doing something with them that involved his nasal cavity, how even if geese could talk they could not say the word “esophagus”… stuff like that. . Nothing… she wasn’t explaining herself and we had a meeting to go to, so we let it go.

When I got back from the meeting, I IM’d her again, and whomever answered admitted that they were not Deb, that they were at BCC and when they logged into the computer, messenger launched and logged in automatically, and they did not know how to log out. Which means that Evildeb installed Yahoo messenger on a computer in their lab and unknowingly set it up to log into her yahoo account automatically. That made me laugh. It made The Man laugh as well. Deb says she has a class on Sunday, and she will take care of it then, but I’m still thinking about how often FairlyEvilJacob IM’s her from college, during the day. Oh that poor anonymous BCC computer student! How far-reaching is Deb’s evil!!

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evildeb, work

Update on mental status

It’s ok… everything is going to be fine, you guys… it was a rough morning… Deb was sobbing and I was punching myself in the head with my own fists… but everything is ok because I had a good cheeseburger for lunch, I’m listening to Venus* from Holst’s The Planets, and our boss just gave us some really good tequila, from her trip to Mexico. You can’t even taste it in my orange-cranberry juice concoction. I have invented a drink I intended to call the Hamilton. But instead, because of it’s appearance, I have named it The Bomit.

I warned them… I said, you don’t want me to have any tequila, seriously…. but would they listen?

*Venus is my planet. Because I’m a Libra. Do you know what that means? It means I was born between September. 23rdish and October 22ndish, that’s what it means.

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evildeb

Maggie makes up a word

Evideb says that Mimi, the evildog, was as sick as a dog could be, on Saturday night. The evil inside her was coming out both ends, and she was throwing up every five minutes. The next day, when Mimi began to cough, AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie asked her mom if the dog was about to “bomit.”

“Bomit? Don’t you mean “vomit?”

“Bomit is PRETEND vomit.”

When Evideb told me the story today, I had to admit that there was a need in my life for a word that means pretend, or virtual, vomit. In fact, just five minutes ago:

Spoken:

Me: Uh-oh… Deb… I think I am going to bomit.

Evideb: Oh no… why?

Via Chat:

Me: Because overheard: “am I going to make ANY commission on this? oh my god… that is so much money!”

Me: therefore; jodi: bomit.

Evildeb: I have a question. Am I going to make ANY commission on this painful review of these GENERIC WORK TASK AT P.O.E. that I’m working on?

Me: no. no you are not. in fact, all you are going to make is bomit.

Evildeb: yes, I think I shall make some bomit. Hey, that’s what you can do when he gets loud, you can bomit over the wall of his cubicle.

Me: I need some golf balls, and a sharpie pen, STAT!

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Amelia, evildeb, macs

Three things for a Monday

– It’s Loon’s birthday! Happy birthday Loon,

– Saturday was Evildeb’s Evil Birthday! Happy Evilday, Deb! She was in Victoria BC, and I was under quarantine, so I have not celebrated an evil birth ritual with her yet. Any ideas?

– I just ordered my Mac Mini, using the discount given unto my P.O.E. by Apple. Hooray! My home system needed an upgrade. My G4 will become the delegated MP3 server.

– Due to a physical injury, the monkee is rumored to be a bit more subdued and “quiet,” currently. But I don’t notice a difference.

– Also, I just pre-ordered the Sims2 for the Mac. It comes out on June 13th. [birthday of Liloo and my uncle Jim.] So the blog may go, as they say in the theatre world, dark for a bit. Dark, with strong possibilities for sim stories.

– I got a Mother’s Day card in the mail from my cat.

I said three things and that is six… sorry. I’m still not quite myself, truthfully.

Amelia says “hi!”

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evildeb, tshirts, work

superfunkycalifragisexy

I was listening to Prince on the way to, and from, work. Which makes me want to unpack those boxes of cd’s and find some funk.

You know, I’m not really #6 for “good spanking.” If you follow the search link, it would definitely appear that I was. But a fresh google shows that I am not. I don’t know what I was thinking. How on earth could I be #6? With all the spanking websites out there? Ridiculous. Yes, sure, I’m a little bit disappointed… but hey, people find me by looking up “boobies” as well. And that’s something. Hardly surprising considering what I was talking about, when I first started this blog. Hooray for boobies!!*

I was in training all day again today. It was pretty interesting. I’m not going to bother telling you what it was a about. Technical stuff. I was late to work. I thought training started at 8:30, but no… started at 9. So, officially, I was ok. Mostly, during training, I was a smart ass. Mostly. It’s my job. Someone has to be the comic relief. And I just can’t help it! It’s a compulsion. People expect it of me. There is just so many things that need commenting on, you know? Luckily, the trainer seemed to appreciate the irreverent humor of my team. Not that it would have stopped us, if he had not. So immature.

It’s a beautiful day here, in the low 70’s. Which freaks Evildeb the hell out, because she is not outside. Despite the fact that she suffers from the SAD, really nice sunny days only seem to piss her off and make her crabby. I knew that whole SAD thing was a hoax. [Look Deb, it’s sunny out, it’s going to be 74 degrees, you have NO RIGHT to be pissy!!] We had pizza for lunch, out in the courtyard. It was lovely. And an ice cream man drove down the street between the waterfront and plaza buildings. Which is an excellent sign of good things to come. I would have worn the short pants, but I nicked myself shaving. Bad. Like, a quarter size nick. And it would not quit bleeding. In fact, I passed out due to blood loss. That’s why I was sorta late to work.

My grandmother is currently dying, or going through the slow process of dying. She’s 90, and has many health problems. She’s deteriorated a great deal, since my granddad died. Right now, she has pneumonia, on top of her emphysema, her lungs are filling up with fluid, and she is getting less and less oxygen. She’s too weak to cough. She is semi-lucid, but can’t use her right hand, or control her bodily functions, but is eating. Every hour she gets a tiny bit worse. II’m getting a couple of updates a day, and it seems like I am just waiting to hear she has passed. It leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. I so want her to go peacefully. This doesn’t sound peaceful to me. My uncle says she is aware of what is going on, that she is in the hospital, what is happening with her lungs. I imagine she knows she is dying. I wonder if she welcomes it, if she’s impatient to get it over with. Her husband and her youngest son passed on before her, I imagine she wants to join them. In that country club in the sky. I have to admit, I wish she could sleep peacefully, she’s not able to rest right now, because of the coughing and fluid in her lungs. I wish she could sink in to a deep restful sleep and let go. I don’t want her to live like this. Nobody should have to live like this. So I have that weird feeling, the one where I know I can’t really plan anything over the next week, because I might be going to Arizona any day. But… I had that same situation/feeling with Granddad, and he hung on for months.

Phase One of the big project at work is completed. Months and months of planning and work, done. And I’ve decided that I have not spent enough time in Barnes and Noble lately. Grabbing a big pile of books, and sitting in a comfy chair to browse through them. So that is definitely a plan for the weekend. I deserve books. Phase Two of the big project is now to begin. I call that the cleaning up phase. Busy, but not like Phase One.

*Don’t forget, you too can have your own “Hooray for Boobies!” t-shirt. Never in my life have I had more comments on anything I wear. Girls love it, guys love it, cats, dogs, bunnies and squirrels love it too!

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evildeb

There is normal, and then there is Evildeb

A comment from DrinkJack reminded me to tell you where EvilDeb is right now.

“>Secure facility, hummmm, there should be video of this. EvilDeb, can you get it?”

No, Jack, she cannot get video, she is not at work. She is at Disneyland, with AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie and MoreThanSlightlyEvilJacob. A.C.G.T.E.U.EvilMaggie’s primary daycare providers, her grandparents, are in Africa. So Lloyd and Evildeb each took some time off, to take turns caring for her day. Lloyd took a week and two days off. He took Maggie to Enumclaw. Evildeb took three days off, she had to go to Disneyland.

Last week, we had a chat that when something like this:

Evildeb: I want to GO somewhere when I am at home with Maggie.

Jodi: Like where? The zoo? Orcas Island? The mall?

Evildeb: like disneyland.

Jodi: ha! well sure, but….

Jodi: besides, you were just there.

Evildeb: last september.

Jodi: yeah, exactly. and you went to vegas.

Evildeb: in january.

Jodi: yeah, exactly. I am sure there is lots of stuff you can find to do to keep you busy for three days.

<Evildeb: maybe 🙁

And I thought that was it, she would come up with a rational, less costly plan. But no. Our girl simply cannot be idle. And anywhere else is better than wherever she is. I suppose she also wanted sunshine. But the sun is shining here, right now. She flew M.T.S.EvilJacob out from college to join them, as well.

But I enjoy this trait in Evildeb. It makes me seem relatively sane, financially. I try to reciprocate by wigging out in different ways for her, that make her feel better about herself, as well.

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books, evildeb, macs

We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking.

Today was a different kind of day for me. I feel like my emotions have been turned up high the last week. And today was a veritable potpourri of feelings. Most of which I shall keep to myself. But some of them you are going to have to hear about, mes pommes de terre d’Internet. But first, I want to clarify a few things.

  1. That picture up in the corner, of the girl on the computer, is not meant to represent me, in the strictest sense, any more than the swinging girl used to. I edited her to give her more of a me-ness. I gave her my fair swedish/norwegian/irish/scottish skin. I lighted her hair to be more like mine. I changed the colors of her clothes, desk and chair, and I changed her glasses, which were black with blue lenses. My glasses are green. I am not a tall, willowy, vector stick. I could go on the South Beach diet, the Atkins diet and the Zone diet all at once, and I ain’t ever going to be willowy. Or tall. My people are a curvier people. We are not meant to walk the catwalk in strange designer couture. We are meant to lounge on chaise lounges, and have cute boys brings us drinks on silver trays. Also, my boobies are bigger. HA! take that vector stick.
  2. I’d like to thank Evildeb for letting me mess with her identity and portray her in almost any manner I see fit. She is remarkably accepting that way. For someone so evil.
  3. No matter what she says, Fee does actually like me.
  4. Thomas has a wonderful way of taking something you think is a hang up, and making it sound rare and wonderful. Thank goodness for chat logs.

Oh, and Matt from DC is totally in love with me. I discovered that chatting with him last night. it’s not surprising, really. We have some shockingly similar traits. We are both funny, we both like macs and hate pc’s, we both prefer bookstores to smokey bars. But it’s not meant to be. He’s east coast Washington, I’m west coast. He’s got a bird, I’ve got a cat. He’s mountain dew and I’m Dr Pepper. He likes to be active and exercise, I like to take naps. He wants children, and I still behave as tho I were a child myself. Not to mention he is young and studying to be a lawyer and I’m old enough to be his babysitter! It’s probably pretty natural to have a crush on your babysitter. Do little boys grow up thinking fondly of their babysitters? Not me, they didn’t.

“Ok, maggots, it’s time to go to bed.”

“But mommy says that we don’t have to go to bed until the clock on the microwave says eight, three, oh. See, it doesn’t say that. That’s a seven and that’s a five…”

“I know I know! But see, the microwave is messed up. Yeah, I messed it up when I was heating up the pizza. Here, I’ll fix it. See? eight, three, oh.”

“But we don’t want to go to bed yet, we want to stay up and watch movies with you!”

“I know, sweetie, and as much as I’d like to watch Jungle Book for the 4th time tonight, I have to study. Believe me, I don’t want to study. I would rather watch movies with you.”

“What is that you are studying?”

“Errrr… history. I have to read this book tonight and find out if this guy here, he’s Rafe Sterling, the King of the … Pi-RA-tes. Yes, King of the Pirates. I need to find out if he ever wins the battle against this woman here, the cold and icy Princess Melody. Currently a resident of Prudytown on the Virgin Islands. But not for long. Now come on… head upstairs before I break out my Mad Babysitter voice!”

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