first ever recent photo of me on this blog. I am smirking. It took several smirks to get it right, Marie was acting as smirk judge. I have several. Smirks that is.
Don’t say I never did anything for you.
Monthly Archives: April 2005
50 Word Fiction Vol. IV
This week’s 50 word fiction theme is inspired by my little brother, and my search referral phrases. Ever since I told you the story of going to “fucking Nova Scotia“, I get several Nova Scotia search strings a day. Yesterday’s crop gave me the following theme: your story should include vasectomies and Nova Scotia. Now, if you think that you can’t fit both in a story, that’s ok. But you only get the super extra gooey chocolate chippy bonus points if you have both. And you want the super extra gooey chocolate chippy bonus points, don’t you? Of course you do.
This means you, J.J.
“So, where is he?” she demanded, her frenzied packing halted while she listed to the voice on the phone. “Well, he’s sadly mistaken if he thinks Nova Scotia is far enough away. Wait until I get my hands on him!! I made it very clear … NO VASECTOMIES UNTIL 2013!!”
How to annoy Amelia
“No problemo… I just got an email from him with a bunch of details about the deal. Which I find incredibly ironic, since I just shot an email off to him 5 seconds before asking for details about the deal!”
“That’s not irony, you moron, it’s a coincidence!!”
“Shhh…Amelia, settle down.”
We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
Finally, something that makes sense to me. The Unitarian Jihad. I’ve always known that Unitarians are kick ass, it’s about time we step up deal with prevalence of extreme fundamentalist thought, in this country. Read the article above, and then join the revolution and get your Unitarian Jihad Name.
“We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: “Sincerity is not enough.” We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it’s true doesn’t make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn’t mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.”
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sister Nunchuku of Sweet Reason.
PS: Drink at Work Blog is my new favorite blog, and I got the link to the Unitarian Jihad name generator from there. In a post that shows that cartoonists are no more insane then girls who work in tech support for large software corporations. By the way, Amelia’s Unitarian Jihad name is Sister Spikey Mace of Enlightened Compassion.
Ok everyone, raise your hands if you love sluts!
God dammit, I’m scared of America again.
The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and all UW schools may be denied access to birth control if a bill proposed by State Rep. Daniel LaMahieu [sic] becomes law. If passed, the UW Birth Control Ban bill will prohibit health care facilities on campus from dispensing, advertising or prescribing birth control to adult female students. LaMahieu proposed the bill because he feels access to birth control “encourages women to be promiscuous.”
What if it does? What if it does encourage women to be promiscuous. Who the hell does he think he is to sit in judgment of us? When did our government become the shepherds of female morality? Fuck you, Mr. LaMahlieu. And be sure to keep that morning after pill from rape victims, while you’re at it. You pompous, arrogant, over compensating, presumptuous, uptight, misogynistic, conceited little prick.
Ok, I’m done. [fuckwit] I should be able to lay off the profanity now. I realize my potty mouth is what garners me all the interesting search phrases. [assclown]. No….. sorry…. I can’t seem to move past the name calling stage. [prissy little cock sucker] Aaarrrrghhh!!!!
Now it’s my patriotic duty to be slutty, doesn’t he understand that?
link from This is not over.
Henceforth and from now on, I decree that whenever something bad happens to me, there shall be bunnies around.
After work today, Louise and I ate comfort food at Johnny Rocket’s and worked on the review for Down on Ponce, for Satan’s Bookclub. I was struggling. Never wrote a book review before. Usually, I just talk shit about stuff. Now I was trying to write a review, and BAMF… nothing. We made progress and I’m going to let it simmer over night and take a look at it again, in the morning.
Then we went to Barnes and Noble. *grin* I bought some new books to read. A Factory of Cunning by Philippa Stockley and Devil in a Blue Dress by Walter Mosley. I don’t know which one to start first. Of course, I am also re-reading Lamb, as it is the book selection for the bookclub of Satan. [In case any of you were thinking about joining in.] It’s one of my favorites, so it’s no hardship.
And so ends a tiny bit of book news, from an otherwise uneventful day.
Hey Kool Thing… c’mere…
Jodi has nothing to say today, so she’s posting a Sonic Youth song.
xox,
Amelia
MP3 File
You’re playing golf and you’re going to like it!
Jeez’m rice but the new 2.3 version of Ecto is gorgeous! I don’t know if any of you bloggers use a third party blogger aps to write your posts, if not, you should check out Ecto. I’m sorry, but when good applications get better, and prettier, I get all warm and mooshy inside. It’s got this beautiful new Amazon button! Something I used to do by hand… oh dear, I’m drooling all over myself. I’m such a geek. I am truly, honestly giddy right now. There is just so much… software beauty coming out right now. Adobe Creative Suite 2, Ecto 2.3, Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger…. I just want to lick Tiger.
Now that you are disgusted and repelled by my übergeekiness, let me tell you my new favorite search string, “What influences do Mexican Foods have on Nova Scotia.” How random is that? Unfortunately, I am sure they did not get the answers they were seeking from me. Now, I must ask that someone stop me from constantly looking at the search strings!! Seriously, it’s becoming compulsive. I have no self control. Someone needs to take me in hand. I mean, good luck in doing that, but still… someone should at least try. I think Amelia is worried about me. Although yesterday we were both cracking up because the monkee was telling a golf story.
“Golf… naturally. I bet he has tiny little golf clubs.”
“Amelia!!”
I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
My punk rock little brother, Josh, is investigating low cost vasectomies, because he doesn’t want to “breed.” And I’m ok with that, I understand he doesn’t want to have kids. But I think a low cost vasectomy is a bad idea. Besides, most doctor’s won’t give a one to someone his age, he’s too young. He insists that he really really does not want to have kids. Also, he insists that the world is going to end in 2012, as predicted by the Mayans. So why have kids. Makes sense, so I made a deal with him, if the earth still exists in 2013 I will get him a vasectomy for his birthday. His 31st birthday, Feb. 2013, if he still does not want kids, I will buy him a vasectomy. In the mean time, it’s condoms. Everyone here is my witness. [I’ll start saving because, no offense Ancient Mayan culture, but … have you met Nostrodamus? You guys would get along great.]
Any money he makes that can be used for a vasectomy should be set aside for his teeth. Or to attend to vegan culinary school.
More fun with stats
Ok, so I wasn’t really #6 on a “good spanking” google search. I am, however, #100 on a msn search for “hot slut.” out of 231+ million hot sluts out there. That’s not bad. Still, you’ve got to be pretty devoted to finding hot sluts, to stick it out until #100. I was probably a disappointment.
But I am curious about #231,355,502… I don’t think they are living up to their full potential.